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by Jean Lockwood

I had an interesting conversation with a young woman today. She is in her mid 20’s, and has 2 children. She was telling me her reasons to not get married. The main one is the cost of divorce. She said it costs too much- financially speaking.

I told her my opinion on it, that if you go into marriage and both of you go in with the idea of “we will make this work, we will work together”, you are less likely to end up getting divorced.

She has seen the heartache, and the struggle of other women who have gone through divorce. She has not had good examples of how to stay married and be happy together. How sad!

I also told her that children learn what they live. If you want your kids to grow up going from one person to another, then having one live in boyfriend after another will do it.

Children learn what they live. Not that none of them will ever move off that course, but generally kids do what they saw as normal. Even if they stray from that course, they will end up coming back to it.

WHat do we want to show our kids? How to work together for a common goal, even in hard times sticking together and working our lives out together?

Or do we want to show them how to quit when things are tough, get a new love and move on. When that one fails too, do we move on again? What are we teaching them? 
That marriage is NOT worth the effort, that family means nothing, and life is about having fun?

I want more for my kids. I want them to see how to work it out.

I know there are situations that must end in divorce; adultery, abandonment, and abuse are the three biggest things that make divorce a good choice.

Not wanting to make it work, arguing, not loving each other anymore- those things can change. Counseling is a great option in a lot of cases. But giving up without a fight is not.

As far as my friend goes; I hope she begins to look at couples who have a wonderful thing together, and see that it is possible to not only make it work- but be happy with marriage for life.

(For a good article on communicationin marriage, read http://marital-communication.suite101.com/article.cfm/communicating_effectively )

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Posted in General on September 18th, 2007

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