Marital Talk

I am currently reading “The Five Love Languages”, by Gary Chapman  (http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/). I am learning a lot, for instance- I have more than one love language.

On the website, you can take a quiz to find your love language, read excerpts from the book, and read answers to questions people have asked Dr. Chapman.

I am finding that Acts of Service is a primary thing in my love language. That is why when Dan backs the car into the driveway, I can just hear him saying “I love you!”.

I also thrive on Time, and Physical Touch. I am not sure yet which one is most important tome, I think they all work together.

If I am not getting the time I desire with Dan, and he doesn’t show physical love to me, then I am missing a lot from our relationship.

I will have to observe and see which ones I seem to get the most out of. I will also review the book when I am done with it.

For now, I will keep reading, take notes, and try to determine what my love language is and what Dan’s is.

Why is it that the simple act of Dan just being here makes a huge difference to me? Even if he is out of sight, downstairs working out, or outside working on the van- I still notice a difference with him here.  I love being in his presence, even if remotely so.

My theory is this: it makes a difference because Dan and I are one.  The Bible tells us that when we become husband and wife, we become one. I know a lot of people think that refers only to the act of sexual intercourse, but I believe it goes much deeper than that.

Sex is just a small part of the whole meaning of becoming one. The intimacy involved in our day to day talking, relying on eachother, agreeing or arguing, making decisions, doing dishes, taking the garbage out, sleeping next to eachother, praying together, …every aspect of life together has a part in being one. When I am with Dan, I feel complete. When we are apart, I feel like I am missing a very important part of me.

This is being one. This is being married.

Have you ever wanted to get away with your spouse and mainly talk…for a whole weekend? DO you desire to build your relationship into more than you ever thought it could be? Are you at a point in your relationship where you can’t seem to talk about anything with out it errupting into a fight? Do you want to become more intimate in your conversation, and other areas? DO you want to really know what is going on inside your spouse, but don’t know how?

Family Life has a Marriage Conference called “Weekend to Remember”. Dan and I have gone, and it was wonderful. We are planning on going again sometime this winter. I would strongly suggest checking it out, even if things are good between you…it can only help it be even better. The web address is: http://www.familylife.com/conferences/find_conference.asp?DCMP=BAC-WTR+Static+RT&ATT=ImageRT

The family life website has many resources for the whole family. Their address is: http://www.familylife.com/

http://www.lifeasachristianwoman.com/  author, April Gilford, has had a series about abuse and how it is dealt with in the church. I would like to ad my 2 cents to what she has brought light to.
I have had a few friends who were in abusive marriages, and have seen and heard things that shocked me. One friend and her husband were counseling with their Pastor. The wife told the Pastor that the husband had hit her and bruised her thigh. The Pastor told her that he only did it because he loves her and was frustrated to the point of not knowing how to react.
Another friend was regularly being verbally abused and physically abused. They went to their Pastor, and he told the wife that if she would do things differently, and not fight against her husband’s wishes and be more submissive in her attitudes, the husband wouldn’t have to do these things.
When the second couple divorced, after about 6 years of this bad advice, the Pastor took the husband’s side- as did almost the whole church. Many people left the church when they saw what was going on.
My friend has remarried and soon after her wedding, she called me and said “I never knew it could be like this! I almost didn’t marry him because I was afraid of being abused again- but this is wonderful!”
In every wedding my husband has performed, he stresses the roles of both the husband and the wife. He uses Ephesians 5:21-33
He especailly remind husbands that their primary role as a husband is to love their wives, and lay their life down for her.
He has the conviction that if a man loves his wife, the wife will naturally do her part. But it first takes her being loved, cherished, honored, and cared for.
He also includes vs. 21- “submit to oneanother”
Abuse is never right, and it is never ok.
Abuse is not the fault of the abused, it is the abuser’s lack of self control and the desire to control the abused.
I know someone right now who has been emotionally and mentally abused for years, and never knew she was being abused because the manipulation and control were so subtle.
Now that she sees it for what it has been, she is getting out of it.
I know another family where the husband is the one being abused, and he won’t leave because - well….he’s a man right? He can take it!
Hogwash!!
Abuse is never ok.