Marriage question of the day:

How long do you have to be married to be able to say you have arrived? How long until it is safe to say you have it all together?

Answer: There isn’t one.

I had this conversation with my nephew tonight, and he says that after 7 years- it is safe to say you can work through anything. I say he may be right- if both spouses are working together, but he may be wrong because we never know what life has around the corner. Things can happen that cause a strain on the relationship; changes could come in the form of health challenges, or losing jobs, children, a home. The point is, don’t be willing to think you have it all together- but do be willing to work to have it all together. Even in the challenging and hard times.

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself.

“You know, dear,” she says, “I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my hair is grey, my shoulders are hunched over, I’ve got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby.” She turns to her husband and says, “Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself.”

He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, “Well, there’s nothing wrong with your eyesight.”

(http://www.basicjokes.com/djoke.php?id=5027)

After thinking about how marriage and food have some things in common, I got to thinking about the different parts of a full meal.

You have your appetiser. In marriage, this can be anything that wets your appetite for good things to come. It is just a taste to get your mouth watering for more. That is what happens when you flirt with your spouse, it gets things warmed up for more to follow.

Then there is the main course, and the side dishes. Most often, these are served together. Every once in a while, there may be something you don’t like, but you may choose to include it in your meal anyhow- because it is good for you. This is the disagreeable side of marriage. If we take the things that are not pleasant, and let them stretch us, we will find that the rest of the meal becomes more enjoyable.

Then we have dessert. The sweet part that comes after a full meal. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like dessert. If the meal was satisfying, dessert is a nice way to top it off.

One nice thing about marriage, and this is my husband’s saying- is that if you choose to, you can have your dessert first. If you do this, remember that the other parts of the meal are the ones that offer nutrition and balance. But then again- if you have dessert first, there is a chance to have a second dessert later- right?

Make your marriage a full course meal, and add lots of spice to enhance the flavor- you will be glad you did.

Being married is a compilation of ingredients, sort of like making food.

Gormet food uses only the finest ingredients, leaving out the undesirable. I am not a fan of gormet food. I prefer food that is homecooked, made with love, and enriched with spices that promote flavor…but not harmful preservatives like MSG.

I like spices that bring out the flavor of the main ingredients. I guess that is what I like about marriage too. If using only the finest ingredients, you can miss a lot of flavor and it may even be bland.

It is amazing what a good marriage and good food can have in common.

I don’t know about you, but I am always looking for fun things to do with my husband. I found this website, and wanted to share it: http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/3-16-2005-67161.asp

Heres a funny joke from http://www.innocentenglish.com/best-funny-jokes/funny-wedding-jokes.html

“A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town, and on this special occasion, a local newspaper reporter paid them a visit. He inquired as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

“Well,” explained the husband, “it all goes back to our honeymoon. We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule.”

“We hadn’t gone too far when my wife’s mule stumbled. My wife quietly said ‘That’s once.’ We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly spoke: ‘That’s twice.’ We hadn’t gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My wife promptly removed a revolver from her purse, hopped down off the beast, and shot the mule dead.”

“I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said, ‘That’s once.’

Holiday time is almost here, and it seems to be earlier than usual- at least to me.

Thanksgiving is in 9 days….9 DAYS! Menu planning is in effect, and I am gearing up to bake pies (lots of them). Dan loves Thanksgiving dinner. (What man doesn’t, right?)

Every family has their traditional dishes they prepare, and ours is no different. Of course there will be turkey. The other things though, they are the special traditional foods. Oyster Dressing tops the list with my husband. Sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, scalloped corn, acorn squash (or butternut), and maybe some green bean casserole, will all be on the menu. Then there is dessert!

Pecan pie, pumpkim pie, apple pie, chocolate pudding pie, and of course the handy dandy cool whip. Maybe I can talk my mom into making eclaire cake or fruit salad… there is nothing like having old favorites when it comes to Holiday fare.

If you want to get some good ideas on recipes to try out, check out Elementary Chef.

Making memories with traditional food is fun, and it gives the whole family a sense of celebration. Traditions that are carried out each year may end up being a tradition even when your children have homes and families of their own.

As I begin baking my pies on Tuesday (and yes, it is hard to hide them for two days), I will be enjoying using my grandma’s rolling pin. She taught me how to make pie crust with it when I was a teenager. This is a part of enjoying Holiday baking that I have- memories of baking pie with grandma. I hope to give my children memories that will last a life time, and Holiday time is the perfect time for that.

How do you react when your spouse hurts your feelings?

I sometimes react with anger, but I know I am really hurt. I am learning how to communicate my true feelings though (after 27 years of marriage…lol), and I have to make myself be honest and talk about it, or I become a time-bomb; ready to go off when the next hurt or angry feeling hits.

I have also learned not to let the anger talk- after all, I am hurt and that is why I feel angry.

A recent example is that I was hurt, felt angry, and let myself cool down before I addressed the situation. When Dan and I had a few minutes alone, I was able to tell him how I felt, and why- without yelling, or breaking into tears. That is a big thing for me, not sounding angry when I am hurt.

We resolved the issue, and I was not longer hurt or angry after we had talked it out, but if we hadn’t talked it out- calmly, I would have been seething inside. The fuse to the bomb waiting to go off was lit, and the ability to talk calmly and rationally put it out. I also happen to have a husband who is a great communicator, listener, and all around nice guy. I guess I am blessed that way.

Early in our marriage things would have gone much differently. I would have stuffed my feelings, silently being hurt and getting angrier because of it. I would not have made myself vulnerable by telling him how I really felt, after all…I’m not a baby, right?

Right, but I am a woman who needs to be honest with her husband, and deal with having honest communication. That is what saved our marriage….learning to talk to each other, and deciding that we would each work on what we needed to change within ourselves. For me, part of that was talking. I am still working on it, but I have gotten a lot better at it.

Now, rather than a bomb inside me, I feel like I am blessed beyond measure, and I am thankful. Growing old together is better when you can talk.

Ken Davis: comedy about finding a mate.

FamilyLife speakers Tim and Darcy Kimmel discuss how to defend your romance even in the midst of parenting stresses.

How exciting it must be to win a sweepstakes drawing or otherwise come into a nice, big, sum of money. To my skeptical mind, it is unlikely to ever happen to me, but is everyone so skeptical? Unfortunately NO!

Dan received a letter in the mail, with a check for over $4000 attached to it today. The letter told him he had won a sweepstakes, along with 19 other people. The check was for a portion of the winnings. The instructions were to deposit the check into our bank account, then use part of it to pay the taxes on the rest of the winnings (over $100,000). He called a number that was on the bottom of the letter, and was assured that it was indeed a real sweepstakes, and real money he won.

I wasn’t very quick to believe them, and neither was he. We went online and could find no such company, but we know not everyone is found online. I then called our bank, and was told that most likely it was a scam. The person I talked to said there was a man who received a similar check, deposited it into his account, sent the tax money to the company the check was from, spent the rest, and ended up losing over $4000 because the check was fraudulant.
Who wants to believe that though? Maybe it was a different circumstance, right?

We looked at the check, looked up the bank it was drawn on, (www.yellowpages.com), and called to verify with the bank. The person Dan spoke to told him that account had been closed for two days, because of bogus checks being written to it.

WOW!

We were almost scammed. We were tempted to believe it was on the up and up, because they didn’t ask for any of our information, and the man Dan talked to sounded authentic….Thank God we are too skeptical to have stopped there.

For a chance to win a great book, visit Life As A Cristian Woman, by April Gilford.

scams, check scams, sweepstakes scams

My mom called me this morning, and said “I just wanted to make sure you are still a woman!”

I said “Why is my voice deeper?”

“No, I had a dream you were having a sex change operation”, she said.

I laughed so hard, I was crying. ME??!

She said I had lost a lot of weight (in reality I have lost 17 pounds so far), cut my hair short (I really am getting a hair cut next week), and was wearing baggy clothes to hide the fact that I have breasts.

Now I love being a woman, and having breasts is a good part of being a woman. I know it is important to Dan too. He would not like it if I tried to get rid of my breasts.

Now, if I had to have a mastectomy (which I thought was a possibility a couple of years ago), I would deal with it. But in general, I like my breasts.

When I told Dan about the dream tonight, the older kids heard me. Shawn said “You can’t mom, dad wouldn’t go for it.”

I told him not to worry, I love being a mom, I love being married to a man, and I love being a woman who likes her breasts.

They may not be as firm as I would like, and they may bounce more because of being stretched by breast-feeding seven (yes, seven!) babies- but I am fond of them. I think Dan is too. He makes it pretty clear that he likes them.

Anyhow, mom, dad, I am NOT having a sex change operation, and I will flaunt my breasts next time I see you to prove it if I have to. (Just kidding dad, I wanted to make you blush!)

breasts, dreams, woman, married, mother