Marital Talk

New Years Marriage resolutions? I think they are a wonderful idea. Here are a few suggestions to spark ideas on how to make and keep them:

1) Make a commitment to spend time talking every day. Even if you only grab a few minutes a day to talk to each other, that is more than most couples. Life seems to take a lot of our attention away from the marriage relationship- so the need is there to make time. Even 15 minutes a day would be of great benefit- if not interrupted and shoved aside while other things take attention away.

2) Make dating each other priority. Couples who have been married a long time (I mean happily) spend time alone with each other. When you have small children, you can do this by something as simple as putting the kids to bed early and having a dinner and a movie night.

3) Make love, not war. Making love (yes, I mean sex!!) is an important part of the marital relationship. If there are health problems that prevent intercourse, there are other ways to be intimate with each other- do some research and experiment to find what is right for you.

4) Choose your battles. Sometimes there are things that are just not worth fighting over. Deciding ahead of time to not be easily provoked into an arguement is not only wise, but it can help keep peace in your home.

5)Be appreciative of what your spouse has to offer, and all he/she does. It is too easy to take what we have for granted, and we need to let our spouses know how much we do appreciate them.

I look at a new year as an opportunity for new beginnings in many areas, and marriage is a great place to try to begin a new thing.

When I went online tonight to check my email, I saw an add from eHarmony- offering to find me my soul mate. I told Dan, “EHarmony is offering to find my soul mate for me”. He replied “They’re out of luck, I don’t belong to eHarmony!”

How true it is, if there is such a thing as soul mates, I have mine. Marriage is a wonderful thing, if both people are willing and wanting to work at making it wonderful.

I don’t take it for granted, and neither does Dan. We both know we are human, and thus are capable of making human mistakes. That does not excuse bad decisions, and we keep ourselves accountable to each other about our decisions- consulting each other and not hiding anything. Marriage to someone who thinks as highly of having a great relationship, as I do, is wonderful.

My son had to write a sermon for one of his Internship classes. He had to use the first couple of chapters of Matthew. Talk about a hard task!

I was amazed at what he came up with. He used Joseph, the earthly father of Jesus, as an example of following through with God’s plan. Joseph knew he was not the father of Mary’s baby, and by law he had the right to stone her to death. He took what God had planned, and ran with it- regardless of what others would think and what they would say about him and Mary. Joseph was a man of integrity and a heart after God.

He loved his wife, and raised Jesus as his own son. He taught Jesus what he did for a trade- carpentry. He provided for his family and saw that they were safe.

I wonder how much Joseph concerned himself with the fact that Jesus was not really his own son, by birth. I don’t think he was concerned at all. I think he felt special, like God was trusting him to raise the Savior of the world. What an honor, in the midst of a world where he could have been scorned for raising another man’s son.

How often do we accept the hard things we are faced with as being a stepping stone to the plan of God in our lives? When things get tough, do we look to the Lord for guidance, or do we throw in the towel and give up and give in?

In our marriages, do we look for the good that can come out of the hard times? Do we struggle to go on, being tempted to give up? Or do we place it in God’s hands and trust Him to change us, allowing ourselves to become who He wants us to be?

The things Mary and Joseph faced, to bring us God’s plan for eternal life, are nothing compared to the things we face. Don’t give up, be willing to change, and good things will follow

When I was at work last week, working a ten hour day, I thought Dan was home relaxing with the kids. When I got home, I found that rather than relax and sllep in his rocker recliner, he had painted the dining room. What a nice surprise!

Then, on Monday, I came home from another ten hour day to find he had painted the living room. Both rooms were done in colors I love, and look wonderful.

Dan likes to surprise me, and he likes to do things that make me happy. I like to do things for him too. He doesn’t read my blogs unless I ask him to, because he is a little (ok, a lot) computer illiterate. He can play pinball- if someone gets him to it. He can use the word processor- if someone gets him to it. He can even use his email address I have set up for him- if someone helps him. I think for Christmas, I would like to get him l;essons on how to use the computer. I will have to check into it a little more, but that sounds like a good gift for him. He wants to be able to do his own email, surf the web, and do research on here, so maybe. Another thing I am considering for my next payday, is having a chocolate peanut butter pie made for him. I found a restaraunt that makes them for people. I will take my pie plate in, and they will make it in that. (He loves peanut butter!!)

I thought I would share some of the things I have learned along the way to being married this long (27 years). I know the list can never cover everything, but these are some things that I have been noticing and thinking about lately.

I have learned to share. Not things (although I share things too), but myself. I have learned that in order for a relationship to work right, and be consistently good, both people have to be willing to share themselves. I am a private person, and I have a hard time expressing what I am feeling sometimes. I have learned to be open and honest with Dan about my feelings, and my emotions. I have learned to share my dreams, my hopes, and even my fears. I have also learned to share my time. I am extremely jealous of anything that takes time from Dan that could be spent with me, and I have learned that it is ok to share.

I have learned that if I want something, or want Dan to do something, he hates to be hinted at. I have learned this more than once, and I expect that it will be a constant learning process. I don’t like to ask for help, I just want help- and he won’t respond to hints, except with getting angry that I don’t come out and ask.

I have learned that I am a blessed woman. I have the best husband in the world, and I know it. It seems everyone around me knows it too, because I am constantly being told how wonderful Dan is. He is wonderful, and I am blessed. I used to get angry with people when they would ask me if I knew how blessed I am. I would say things like-”Well, he doesn’t have it too bad either you know!” Now I just smile and say “I know!”

I have learned that there are some things we will never agree on, and that it is ok to disagree. We are each entitled to our own opinions, and the things we disagree on will not make a difference in our relationship if we don’t allow them to. Thank God though, that we agree on more than we disagree on.

 I will write more about the things I have learned next time. Now, I want to congratulate April Gilford on receiving the “You Lift Me Up” award, from Good Christian Life.