Marital Talk

Marriage often means compromise…if you want to get along and be happy.

Last night was such an example here. I was bidding on a laptop computer on Ebay, and I had decided not to go over a certain amount. In comes Dan…..

He looks and says “up your bid”. I told him I thought I would only bid up to a certain point, and he said to up it to another point.

So I compromised…..and I won.

I am very happy.

Last night after dinner, Dan and I were saying funny marriage quotes and other marriage funnies we had heard. Our kids got in on it, and Joe (21) said this; “Getting married is kind of like joining a street gang. You enter promising submission, and the only way out is in a body bag.” (I am not sure where he heard that, but it is probably a line from a movie, knowing Joe).

We all had a good laugh, and then I got to thinking- there are other ways out, but the vow we make when we get married is “until death”.

So there you go, that is the marriage quote of the day.

When it comes to marriage, it is easy to take every day things for granted, and become desensitized to what we should be appreciative of. It becomes easy to ignore things that we really need to keep a watch on and protect. There are aspects of marriage that we need to be aware of constantly, making sure we are caring for even the little things.

In a marriage, it is easy to let things begin to slide when everything seems good. It is easy to get the attitude “We have a pretty good thing going”, and forget to keep the good thing going by ignoring  needs that may be subtle, but they are needs none the less.

The need for communication is one such thing. I don’t mean talking about the kids, or the job, or even the finances. I mean talking about what your dreams, hopes, and prayers are. Talk about what you want to see happen in your family, things you want to do together, the plans you would like to make for your future, and ways you want to see your relationship grow.

Another thing that is easy to let slide is affection. I don’t mean making love, though that is important too. Without affection, hand holding, caressing, hugging, touching in some way or other- your sex life will not be as satisfying or as frequent. Affection, especially for women, is what draws us to making love. Without affection, sex becomes mundane. Just a physical act without the emotion that should accompany it.

Make a point to keep up with these things, and your marriage will be a good one.

When I was talking to a friend the other day, she told me that her and her husband were going to go to a Weekend to Remember. I said “That’s great!”

Then she made a comment that got me thinking. She said “We need to take time to work on us.”

I replied, “You need to do that everyday.”

As I ws talking to Dan about that conversation, he pointed out that a lot of times couples don’t even talk to each other daily. When things are going well, they seem to think they have it all together, and let the relationship sail (smoothly they hope), without much direction or interference- after all, why fix something if it isn’t broke, right?

WRONG!!

Marriage is something that needs to be constantly directed. It needs to be monitored and helped along with two people at the wheel…every day!

When one lets go, the direction the marriage is desired to go in, may sway and go off course alittle. When both let go, the little thigns become bigger, faster, and can make a ruin of it if not stopped.

The good news is, you can take back control by deciding that you want to make it work and go in a certain direction….together.

It will take both people to gain and maintain a happy marriage. One can’t do it alone for very long. As things get better, keep your eyes peeled for signs of danger….not spending enough time together, not talking enough, being insensitive, romancing and lovemaking dwindling…..these are all warning signals.

Make a commitment to each other that you will say so if you notice any of these things or others that might be important to your relationship.

Marriage is work, but it is the most worthwhile thing to work for.

When Dan and I were talking about our annual family trip to the Kingdom Bound festival, I mentioned that our daughter and her husband may not be going. He made a comment along the lines of “Why do family traditions have to cjange because someone got married?”
I said, “When a couple gets married, they create their own new traditions for their own new family and lifestyle. Sometimes that may mean doing some of the already made traditions, and sometimes it will mean change.”

It is so true, when a couple is making their own traditions and vacation plans, they may leave their old traditions behind, and that is ok.

Beginning as a family, in part, eans making their own family its own unit. Doing things the way they think will be a good fit for them. That may not always include the way things have always been.

It may be a difficult transition to make, for all involved- especially the parents and siblings. But it is an exciting transition to make too- seeing them fit things together so well, planning their fun times together, and enjoying being married.

Married life, making your way together as a new family and finding what fits you best.

Young love is a flame; very pretty, often very hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. The love of the older and disciplined heart is as coals, deep-burning, unquenchable.

-Henry Ward Beecher

 

 

Please pray for this couple. John is going through some very serious health issues. He is the stay home dad of three beautiful kids, and the husband of a courageous wife. To read their story, click on the highlighted words.

I discovered, after almost 28 years of marriage, that the way to man’s heart might REALLY be through his stomach. When I told Dan the dinner menu’s for the week, he said “What are you trying to do, make me skip my overnighter and end up driving more?”

He was serious! He loves my cooking, and he lets me know. I love to cook for him, and I love to make him wish he was home when he isn’t.

The funny thing is, when we got marrited, I didn’t even know how to cook pasta. The first time I made spaghetti, I put it in cold water. It was like a sponge by the time I stopped cooking it. Now, I am a pretty good cook, and he enjoys it very much.

There was only one meal I made that he asked me “Please, don’t ever make this again!” That was my only attempt at black bean soup. It looked like diarrhea… and it tasted as bad as it looked. We ended up ordering subs that night.

Having a husband who appreciates my cooking is wonderful. Having him tell me how much he likes it is a blessing. Knowing I can make him want to be here, in one way or another….is priceless!

Valentines Day is coming. How do you make it special? Traditionally I try to make it a family affair. I make a special dinner, dessert, and get little gifts and cards for each of the kids, and of course something special for my husband.

This week I have to work on Valentines Evening. I think I will make a late dinner of Chicken Riggies (I make the best!), homemade garlic knots, and a salad. Dessert may be frosted heart cut-outs. We always have a candle-light dinner for Valentines, interesting and a little daring with little ones, but it is tradition.

Holiday traditions mean a lot to me, and to my family. If we break a tradition, I hear about it until the next time that Holiday comes around, and sometimes beyond.

There was one year that we didn’t have our annual Lockwood Christmas Cookie Day, because I had a new baby and no energy. I made up for it with Easter Cookie Day…but that didn’t fly. I still heard about it until Christmas that next year. Now, I try not to let that happen…missing a traditional thing I mean. I can’t stand feeling like I let them all down. Since I am the mom, in their eyes, I am the one who make these things happen. If for some reason we miss out on something, it’s my fault. (I do however insist on getting the credit for what we do too…so it goes both ways I guess!).

Have a happy week. Make plans to do something special for and with those you love. Make a tradition…it is fun.

Do ever want to ask your spouse….Do you love me?

I was reminded of this need to know yesterday. Not just the need to know, but the desire to hear it even if you already know.

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Being in agreement is nice in marriage- but will never happen with every possible area. There are times it is important to agree to disagree, and not argue over the small things. (such as opinions)

Super Tuesday is tomorrow, and there is a slight disagreement we have here. Dan and I are both Conservative. Him a little more so than me maybe- on some things. But that is not important enough to argue about. The things I tend to be less conservative on, I tend to be less passionate about- so there is nothing to argue about.

I do however, know couples who are politically distant from each other, and the stress it creates in their relationships is high. The passion we seem to feel and react to in politics should not be enough to bring division in marriage- after all, didn’t they each know how the other felt and believed before they got married? If so, then why all the fuss now?

If not…well….they should have.

Making politics so important that it divides is silly. Agreeing that you are each entitled to feel and think for yourselves can go a long way in keeping things right between you.

And don’t forget…gloating about your guy (or gal) making it- adds fuel to the fire. Make sure you fuel the right fire (the one that keeps you talking and flirting, not the one that brings anger)- or you may end up burned.

I am so excited!!!
I just received a copy of the book one of my poems is published in, “Chicken Soup For The Soul; A Tribute to Moms”.
I know it is not that big of a deal, but to me it is huge- so I had to share the news.
(And if you go buy a copy, I really won’t mind…lol)