Marital Talk

The code is as follows

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The code is as follows

<a href="http://www.twittermoms.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/twitter-moms-button1.jpg"><img src="http://www.momecentric.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/twitter-moms-button1.jpg" alt="" title="twitter-moms-button1" width="300" height="300" class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-1201" /></a>

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The code is as follows

<a href="http://www.momcentralbloggers.ning.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/mom-central-bloggers1.jpg"><img src="http://www.momecentric.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/mom-central-bloggers1.jpg" alt="" title="mom-central-bloggers1" width="300" height="300" class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-1202" /></a>

The Getting Married Process

I am his keeper

My visit with the Marriage Counselor

The Marital Bed Post Number 435,537,344

I’m going to be brief, no really I am

I’m celebrating and I’m trying to get as many people as possible to get involved.  In case you don’t know what it means to "de-lurk", I"m getting you the definition, right here and right now.

First of all, the definition of a lurker.

Lurker - A lurker is one who sits in an internet chat room, message base or newsgroup, but does not participate.

Thus, the definition of De-lurking is:

De-lurker - A lurker who makes a move to initiate contact and conversation in a place that they have formerly only lurked. 

Anyway, I’m trying to stir up enough folks to celebrate a day of "de-lurking" and I’m being selfish and using my own personal excitement to produce a button for the Day of Delurking which I have deemed to be Wednesday October 8.  So, come one, come all. 

I’d love to tell you that this gorgeous graphic has code in it and it is simple to embed in your own blog, but I don’t know how to write code.  So, if anyone wants to attempt it, please, by all means, go for it.  And, if you want to change it and make your own button and send it around the internet, that suits me just fine too.  All I want, is some folks to come out of hiding and let their VOICES BE HEARD (kind of like the presidential election but not exactly)

And, with that, I give you, my delurk button and I’m linking it to my blog, so feel free to do the same!

My husband and I don’t share a lot in common in terms of hobbies and the like.  But, we do make a great team.  We were fortunate that we met when we were some what older, early 30’s, and had already given  up on the one and only soul mate thing.  We knew a fantasy when we saw one.  And, we also knew a teammate when we saw one as well.

This weekend we have laid low due to Wayne’s dental visit on Thursday.  But, we’ve worked so well as a team.  This will need bullets it is so cool:

• Thursday night after arriving home from dentist
  • he went to bed, I handled his normal bedtime routine with the kids
• Friday Morning
  • he laid in bed and on the sofa while I took the oldest to school and entertained the youngest
• Friday Afternoon
  • more laying around for him but I took the kids to a parade
• Friday Evening
  • he did some piddling on the new deck, my mom watched the boys for an hour or so and I worked (and rested)
• Saturday morning
  • I slept in, he dozed on the sofa and the boys played then the youngest went down with me for a nap, the oldest to his room for quiet time
• Saturday night
  • he went back to bed, I did the bedtime duties
• Sunday Morning
  • he got the boys off to church, then rested on the sofa, piddled with the deck and prepared to remodel the living room, just light activity though, while I slept and then worked
• Sunday afternoon
  • we all went into town together, we had a late lunch, then he took the boys to McD’s to play while he used their wifi to do some massive uploads on my blog and I did the weekly grocery shopping
• Sunday evening
  • we all came in, I got the boys calmed and in pj’s and he did bedtime routine, then the two of us worked on my stuff together

Yea, we totally rock the teamwork stuff.

Since my husband had that lovely dental visit, I had to do his job tonight and bath boys as well as get them to bed.  I never do this part.  I haven’t ever done it all by myself when my husband was home.  To be honest, I’ve never done it alone when he wasn’t because my mom would help me.

I know, I’m spoiled.  But, I did it tonight and our children are in their own beds, sleeping…just like every night when daddy does it.  Our referral to the marriage counselor was about my husband’s attitude.  Did we manage to work through that and get it together?  We sure did.  Although, I did have to say "if he keeps treating my kids like he has for the last 6 months, I want a divorce". 

But check that one off of the list of issues to discuss with counselor. CHECK.

The second issue was where our children slept.  Which was …in our bed. When we first discussed this Wayne told the counselor that he wanted them out of our bed but that I didn’t.  I told the counselor that what Wayne said was correct.  They don’t bother me when they sleep in our bed.  I also told the counselor that even though it didn’t bother me, I was willing to do what ever I had to do to get them out of our bed so that my husband would be happy.

You know, if it was that important to him, then as his wife, I needed to do what I had to do (since it wasn’t about harming my children or anything) to make my husband happy.  At that time, the counselor told us over and over and over and over again that "if you want this I can help you do it, but you both have to be in agreement" and he would let out this exasperated sigh.

I told him over and over and over again, I will do it even though it doesn’t bother me because it does bother my husband and I want him to be happy.  And, we bantered back and forth through about 3 sessions.

Today, I called the counselor out.  I said to him, "I knew from the look on your face that you didn’t believe I would do what ever I had to about the sleeping issue in order to make my husband happy".  He kind of half-laughed and asked me what I was meaning in particular.

The plan was that Wayne would put the kids to bed and no matter how bad they cried and begged to go to mommy’s bed, I would stay out of it and let him handle it.  I knew from the counselors face that he didn’t believe me when I said, "yes I will stay out of it.".

So ,I called him on it today.  After I explained it again, he kind of finally said "yes you are right, I’ll see you in two weeks, bye".  And again he laughed.

As he said in the very first session, counseling a counselor is simply  not an easy task.  HEHEHEHEHE

I say MY visit because I went alone.  It was nice.  We had a good chat and we checked off some of our goals that we set in the beginning.  We discussed where we were to go from here and I entered a few thoughts.

Then, we discussed my "mother hen" affect.  Yes, I’m sure you have already figured that out, I think I have to "fix" everything for my kids and…well….for my husband.

Today, he was at the dentist while I was at the counselor’s office.  When I finished at the counselors office, I had to go to the dentist office and talk with the dentist about the treatment plan.  While I was doing this, my husband had his ipod going and his ears plugged.  They had to do some below the gum cleaning and I asked if they could give him nitrous oxide for that because he had already told me he was too embarrassed to ask for that during the cleaning but that it really does bother him.

So, they did the cleaning with the laughing gas and he had previously taken a tiny crumb of a xanax.  So, we went to lunch and he went back to the dentist for his 2 and half hours worth of work.  When it was over, he called me to come pick him up and I was the one who went inside to pay the bill.

All he had to do was be there.  Just as if he were Jace or Walker.  I can’t help it.  He had to have so much work done because he is terrified of the dentist thus he hasn’t gone in a long time.  However, we did get out of there under $1K instead of my estimate of $2.5K.

Who budgeted that money?  Me.  Who knew how to pay for it?  Me.  I really am a pathetic case but I can’t help myself…..

Mental Note…stop it, stop it, stop mothering this 38 year old man stop it stop it!

I know that it is common for men to know little about how to run the household other than to bring home a check and expect everything else to run smoothly around him.

My husband is one of those.  He has been needing to go to the dentist for some time now, but he absolutely hates it.  He says it makes him sick at his stomach.  He hates the dentist.  He gets anxious, sweaty, nauseated, and just plain out of sorts.

This attitude has landed him in a particularly horrible situation dentally.  He has teeth that are hurting, teeth that have lost old fillings and teeth that are broken and chipped.  He HAS to go to the dentist.   No questions asked!

So, as we were budgeting our tax return and stimulus check, I focused on him at least getting a little dental work taken care of.  It is absolutely to the breaking point.

So, he said, sure, I’ll go, just set it up and don’t tell me until it is time to go.  So, I did.  He goes on Thursday morning at 9:30, he will get his teeth cleaned and since they are slow at this time of the year, the dentist will start working on the biggest issues and work until we run out of money, Wayne runs out of ability to allow the work to be done or the doctor runs out of time.

So, there, it’s done.  I know many women (and men) who would balk at the very idea of their spouse taking such control over their life.  But, in our house, with this particular subject (and most any subject like this), my husband prefers I just handle it and let him stay out of it until the very end.

Well, I can only make the appointment, I can’t make him go and I certainly can’t make it any easier for him.  He did call (no he had me call) and ask our family doctor if he could have a prescription for a mild anti-anxiety medication so he could go without throwing up on the dental assistants and dentist.

We shall see….