Marital Talk

Lately I’ve suffered from all kinds of terribly illnesses.  As it is, I am now finally on the mend, however, I have missed this holiday all together.  My husband has carried on and the boys haven’t missed a thing.

He started putting up the Christmas lights today and hopefully tomorrow we can get the tree up.  I’m excited and the five year old already wants me to find Santa on the computer and follow him (yea, thanks weather forecasters, lol).

My husband handles most everything it seems these days.  I have to get myself back up and in gear and get some things done before I continue to feel totally useless.

If I can get my bloggy stuff caught up (and just wait til you read about my give aways), I have plenty of things I want to do and need to do.  This Friday my sons kindergarten class is going on a Christmas field trip and so the little one, who is now "4 and not potty trained" will be going as well.  I’m excited, I know to be excited, they are clueless.

And, so with that, I’m closing with….

12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS GIVE AWAY - Starts December 1st at midnight and goes through…..December 12th at midnight.  I have ten blogs, three of them have a contest running on them and the contests are different each day. 

All the information you need to enter can be found on the websites:  Mom~E~Centric, Mom is Teaching and Education Uncensored.

I look forward to seeing all of you there!

Starting Monday, December 1st, Mom~E~Centric and Education Uncensored (button coming soon) and Mom is Teaching will all be taking part in separate give-away (different products on each blog)…..one known as "The 12 Days of Christmas".

The Rules, Terms of Conditions and more information will be available by Sunday afternoon…so stay tuned.

Here’s a list of some of the products that will be given away during the "12 Days of Christmas" Give-away!

Lisa Leonard Etsy Products

Pretty Cheap Etsy Products

Sara Bennett and Nancy Kalish’s "The Case Against Homework"

Stacy Kanneberg and Cedar Valley Publishing

Family Travel Gear

Brain Child Magazine Subscription 

Analiese Etsy Product

Sunshine and Raviolli Product

Simag Etsy Products

Rita Arens and a host of others, Sleep is for the Weak

Make Grow Gather

Megan Calhoun’s Oscar the Pig

My Precious Kids Products

South of France Products

Glow Mama Products

Skin Care RX Gift Certificates

Eeebee’s Products

Tiny Prints

List Plan It Subscription

Busy Body Books

Affordable Mineral Make-up

Treasures Par Avalon

Eclectic Studio

Susan K Jewelry

Jimi Products

Happy Panda

Mom on the Rise

and others……..

Don’t miss it.

<a href="http://educationuncensored.ning.com/profiles/blogs/12-days-of-Christmas-giveaways"><img src="http://www.momecentric.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/education-uncensored-promotion-button-with-red-button5-300×300.jpg" alt="" title="education-uncensored-promotion-button-with-red-button5" width="300" height="300" class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-2219" /></a>

Here’s you a couple of buttons to post if you would like to start spreading the word now….

<a href="http://www.momisteaching.com/12-days-of-christmas/"><img src="http://www.momecentric.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/mom-is-teaching-promo-300.jpg" alt="" title="mom-is-teaching-promo-300" width="300" height="200" class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-2204" /></a>

Now, that’s it for Mom~E~Centric

<a href="http://www.momecentric.com/2008/11/28/12-days-of-christmas/"><img src="http://www.momecentric.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/momecentric-promotion-button7-300×225.jpg" alt="" title="momecentric-promotion-button7" width="300" height="225" class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-2187" /></a><textarea name="textarea" cols="25" rows="4"> </div></P></DIV> </DIV> </BODY> </HTML>

You must be at least a Guest Member to join and enter the second give-a-way here, but it can’t hurt can it?

I know I complain about him alot. but I’m going to tell you, he really rocks my world most of the time.  For instance, right now, I an incredibly sick.  I’ve been in bed almost non-stop for 4 days and I’m going to the doctor yet again tomorrow.  That would be GOING TO THE DOCTOR YET AGAIN TOMORROW.

I have been to the doctor so much lately it isn’t funny.  If we didn’t have to pay doctor visit co-pays and prescription medication co-pays, we could have a lot more than we have…and we aren’t doing without honestly.  But, my husband never complains.  He realizes that medication alone runs in the neighborhood of $300 a month, then you figure my 3 or 4 visits a month because of these doggone sinus infections, and it is not pretty.

So, tomorrow, I go to the doctor YET AGAIN and I am going to request that I have sinus surgery again.  I had surgery in the early 90’s and I didn’t have sinus issues for a long time after that.  And, with many different things going on right now, surgery is a scary option.

We are scheduled to do wedding photos on the 13th of December so I can’t very well be sick then nor can I be recuperating from a surgery.   So, what should I do, I go to the doctor tomorrow and hope that he can do the surgery now!!!!  This week would be great!

I know my awesome husband will be there with me, every step of the way, making it easier for me to get by.

My husband and I don’t work well together.  He prefers to work alone and that’s no secret.  As a matter of fact, it isn’t just me that he doesn’t like working with, he simply doesn’t like to work with anyone.  One reason is because he is really smart.  And, when you are that smart, it is frustrating to work with folks who don’t understand what you are trying to do.

Add to that the fact that I can’t lift very much because of my back surgery from a few years ago and my husband is left to work on his own most of the time anyway.  And, well, there’s the never ending relapses of mono….argh!

Anyway, part of this remodeling has been removing a tub and putting in a jacuzzi.  I helped get it in the house but I’m telling you, it was not an easy task.  We smashed each other fingers and toes, we had to turn it this way and that way, but he never got upset with me, he just kept saying, "ok, let me know when you are ready."

Anyway, once we got it into the bathroom, which was not an easy task mind you, we had to get it into the frame.  That wasn’t easy either but we did it.  He climbed around on all sides and we pushed and shoved and all that.

But, it had a leak….on the backside…yea wouldn’t it figure.  So, he had to figure out a way, while I was sick, to get that leak fixed because this man loves himself a jacuzzi.  So, here’s the contraption that allowed the man to work on the tub while I was in bed crying my eyes out over pain, not to mention the saws and smells of caulking and all that.

Yes, I know, the entire site is about marriage so certainly love is included.  But, let me tell you about  my husband.  He is a packrat, he is cluttered, he is unorganized and none of that bothers him in the least.  And, I am totally the opposite.  Organization is my love, well I mean, besides him.

Either way, I’ve been sick.  And, if you’ve ever had to take care of sick people, you know that it takes undying love to do this.  We are knee deep in this remodeling stuff that I mentioned weeks ago.  Last weekend was my deadline for finishing the front deck and our family room.  Except, I was sick.  That wouldn’t be too big of a deal except, the kids were sick too.

And, my mom would normally help with the boys even though they were sick would be fine and I could have just got out of the way instead of helping…except, my mom had a funeral to attend and so she wasn’t available. 

So, instead of finishing this remodeling project which has half of my family room pumpkin orange and the other half plain sheet rock that needs sanding, he was playing nurse to me and the boys.  It was not a pretty site.  And, of course, after we all did our illness recuperating, he got sick early in the week so he couldn’t work on the house then either. 

Now, it is Friday night, I’m still suffering from mono relapses which are enough to make anyone crazy and the boys are at my mom’s.  With that, he is suppose to be sanding and painting my family room.  Right?  Except, it is raining and he says you can’t paint while it rains. 

So, he is working on the floor in the bathroom which is another one of our remodeling projects.  No kidding. 

Anyway, when I was telling you about the love this man has for me, I also want to show you how smart he is, because I’ve told you but now I must show you.  He had done all of this alone. 

In the next post, I"m going to show you how he goes about doing the projects that he simply needs another healthy human being to work with him.

See how pretty the floor is……

I’ve spent most of the week trying to prepare a website for local exposure.  I will have my site featured in the Life Styles of our local paper again.  This website is set up strictly for the parents, students and teachers in our community.  Well, all actuality, there’s two of them. 

I know that neither of them refer to you guys but if you get a chance, swing by, leave a comment for me and let me know what you think about the over-all site structure, idea behind the websites and just general opinions.

I promise I will get back on gear over the weekend.  I am also redesigning my Mom~E~Centric site but that has to wait til later.  Also, I’m being bombarded by ideas and can’t keep my head on straight.  Here’s the sites, see what you think…

Education Uncensored:  The Blog

Education Uncensored:  The Social Network

Have I mentioned to you all that my husband and I don’t really argue.  I mean, we rarely disagree, we rarely even have minor problems.  I know that sounds crazy and I attribute all of that to my husband’s personality.  Definitely I am a little difficult to get along with, but my husband has the patience of job when it comes to people.  He does have a breaking point but he is much stronger than I am when it comes to tolerance.

So, if you are trying to work through disagreements or problems with your spouse, here’s a few tips from Ladies Home Journal.  First of all, understand the silences from your man.  Women tend to find silence uncomfortable while men find comfort in it.  And, then, women will read into a partner’s silence our own desires, fears and past experiences. 

It’s important to ask for what you need.  Men and women have different ideas of what it means to communicate.  Men tend to be problem-solvers and they do this silently.  They tend to go from saying here is the issue to here’s what we should do about it.  Women tend to bounce suggestions and possibilities around before coming to a solution. 

Phrase your questions so that you can get responses, not simple yes or no phrases.  And one of the more important issues is to learn to argue constructively.  Many men won’t say anything because past experience has taught them that past experiences have been criticized or blamed for past crimes.

Your partner may have learned to simply disengage all together as soon as you start talking.  make it a point to give him the floor, let him talk, let him tell you what is going on in his own mind.

One more important tip is to learn to appreciate the silences.  Most men are rarely considered the best friend of the wife so listen to the silence.  When a man takes his wife into his harms for along hug, shares in a joyful whoop with you or reaches for your hand in the car, he may be saying a great deal.

And, even though you have a preferred time for talking, you have to understand when the time is right for your husband as well.  And, if you try to talk to him at a time when he feels as if he is a captive audience, he will sometimes feel threatened.  Make sure when you do the talking, you do it when both partners are willing.

Sexual desire fluctuate because that just how life is.  And, the time of the relationship changes the different levels of desire.  When you first marry, after you have a child, when the kids leave home, when job pressures are bad, all of those times change the way we feel about sex and our attractiveness. 

Here’s a few tips to make your marriage sexy.  First and foremost remember that impotence is a common problem at every stage of marriage and can take months to clear.  Talking about the problem can help and wise couples recognize that it is a wake-up call but could be a signal of stress somewhere else in the relationship. 

Don’t save affection for the bedroom only.  My husband and I used to greet one another at the front door with hugs and kisses.  But, as the years wore on, we barely manage a kiss goodnight.  It’s important to make sure you don’t let go of the things that felt so good in the beginning.  Make time for love, make loving your mate a habit, you know, the more you do it, the more you like it.  Make sex a top priority even if it means scheduling sex. 

Talking to your mate every day, even if it is just for ten minutes in the morning and ten minutes at night can help the two of you stay close.  You can remember so much about your partner that you might otherwise forget.

As I mentioned above, my husband and I once greeted each other at the door with hugs and kisses.  Now, as I try to remember the last time we kissed, I’m reminded that kissing should be something you do often.  I’m not talking about the little peck that my husband just planted on my forehead, I’m talking about kissing as if you are making out in a dark theater.

If you are like me, your bed may have another body planted right between you and your spouse.  So, you have to be adventurous and find places other than behind a locked bedroom door for your sexual fun.  Break the rules that you’ve set for you and your spouse.  Get involved in an experiment with toys, videos and magazines.  And, finally and probably most importantly, learn to please your partner and make sure your partner knows what to do to please you as well.

There are many rules that couples find they need to put up to make their marriage work.  And, one huge set of rules regards how to disagree, how to argue, how to fight fair if you will.  Here are few tips on the rules of fighting fair.

1. Remind yourself that it is okay to be angry, and don’t feel guilty about having angry feelings.  Women more than men grow up believing  it is unladylike and bitchy to express negative feelings. 
2. Try to understand that although you disagree with your mate, you are not enemies.  No matter how much love each other, the differences may trigger conflict.  Fighting fair means you will not attack each other - physically or verbally.  There is no hope in name-calling, cursing, screaming or blaming, neither is threatening separation or divorce.
3. Never use information you gained in confidence as a weapon in an argument.  If you do this, you betray the trust your spouse has gained and make it harder for him to feel emotionally safe.
4. Never leave the room until you are either in agreement that the argument is over or have chosen to take this up at a later time.
5. Be sure to acknowledge each other’s feelings and perceptions without being judgmental or critical.
   

Ok, so here’s the deal, if a company were to offer me something…I don’t know what yet, just something…and I was to give it away here on the blog…..what kind of contest would you participate in and what (within reason) would you like to see as the prize being given away??????

When it comes to just saying, "yo, that hurt" or "hey, you are hurting my feelings" it seems to be a very difficult and daunting task.  But, we have to learn.  We do need to learn to say what we feel and make our point clear in order to accomplish the stable relationships that we desire. 

Here’s a quick exercise you can try.  You need to answer the two questions from your spouse’s point of view.  Answer them separately. 

1.  List 3 things you suspect your partner wants, needs, or feels that he or she is not telling you. 

2.  Now list 3 assumptions you believe your partner may be making about you.

Now, compare your answers and see if you even have a general idea of what it is that your spouse wants and needs and obviously, you can see if you have conveyed your wants and needs to him/her. 

After you have talked openly about the assumptions, you should be able to communicate a little better and hopefully avoid trouble in the future.

I think in general, you will find that women are pretty open to putting their feelings out there when they are comfortable. And, most women will even give you some indication of their feelings even in a situation with people they aren’t comfortable with. But, men, men in general won’t open up to the closest people in their lives. I’m assuming it goes back to that old adage that men need to be tough, and sometimes, being tough means spilling all your feelings.

I haven’t written about this up to this point and possibly I waited just a little late to jump in on this one, but, let’s just say at least I tried, ok?

I haven’t mentioned this because it basically is happening on the other side of the world from me.  But, the fact is, it affects those of us everywhere.  How is that you say?  Well, you know that a precedent has to be set somewhere before others travel down the road.  So, pave the way baby, pave the way.

I joined some folks in a humorous way when it comes to allowing people to marry other people..other people of their own choosing…. see…

 
Now is the time to donate. Let your support be known.

There’s an entire post or two on Looky, Daddy devoted to this topic, go check ‘em out!

It’s definitely no secret that marriage is hard.  As they say, anything worth having is worth working for and marriage is As they say, anything worth having is worth working for and marriage is definitely hard and definitely worth working to have.

So, are you interested in marriage saving tips?  Most people need to feel that there partner is really there for them.  According to many experts, empathy is the key to a stronger, happier relationship.  So, here’s a few tips I found in Ladies Home Journal.

Empathy Don’ts

• Don’t stonewall or ignore what your partner is saying
• Don’t minimize a spouse’s concerns
• Don’t rush to fix the problem.  Many people mistakenly believe that downplaying worries or offering advice is helpful. 

Empathy Do’s

• Do pay attention by setting aside your newspaper or turning off your TV when your partner is talking. 
• Do validate the feelings of your partner.
• Do ask questions with genuine interest and make sure you know what your partner has said.
• Do respond with affection, understanding, and support.
• Do show support and by all means, take your spouse’s side

So, are you interested in marriage saving tips?  Most people need to feel that there partner is really there for them.  According to many experts, empathy is the key to a stronger, happier relationship.  So, here’s a few tips I found in Ladies Home Journal.

Empathy Don’ts

• Don’t stonewall or ignore what your partner is saying
• Don’t minimize a spouse’s concerns
• Don’t rush to fix the problem.  Many people mistakenly believe that downplaying worries or offering advice is helpful. 

Empathy Do’s

• Do pay attention by setting aside your newspaper or turning off your TV when your partner is talking. 
• Do validate the feelings of your partner.
• Do ask questions with genuine interest and make sure you know what your partner has said.
• Do respond with affection, understanding, and support.
• Do show support and by all means, take your spouse’s side

• This of course is just hitting the highlights. It should be a little piece of the puzzle and if you work hard and you listen to your elders, you are bound to find some good information out there. The best piece of advice I ever received was "if it matters, then do something about it". That was in reference to say your spouse leaving their socks in the family room every night. Yes, he should pick them up, but if they don’t bother him, then so be it, if it bothers you, then you pick them up.

definitely hard and definitely worth working to have.