Marital Talk

What does that have to do with marriage?  I dunno really.  What does it have to do with sex?  I dunno that either really.  But, I did find this funky little article on MSNBC about just that.  It discusses science and the search for truth. 

So, anyway, in the article, they discuss sexploration and review the recent scientific literature and advice on getting information from animals and making relate directly to people.  So, here’s what the article had to offer by way of learning…

1.  Do not turn sex into warfare.  Ok, so "sexual conflict is ubiquitous across taxa" and I have to be honest with you, I have no clue what that means.  Basically biologist studied Trinidadian guppies and found "male sexual harassment drives females into habitats that they otherwise do not prefer to occupy".  They relate that to all-female gyms and the Lifetime Channel.  Ok, whatever.

2.  Avoid weaponizing your penis.  Hummmmm now this one caught my attention right away, what the heck is this suppose to mean.  "The spectacular evolution of male genitalia that impose physical injury on females during mating has often been suggested to be a product of sexually antagonistic co-evolution" is what a Swedish scientist had to say.  So, obviously, they say that females are reluctant to mate with males wielding pain-inducing penises.  This supposedly creates a risk of extinction.  Well, yea being afraid is one thing but being so afraid that it takes you to extinction, that’s a bit out there I think.

3.  Try woman-on-top.  This basically says that all men should take a lesson from the Mexican experiment showing that "when female rats are allowed to pace (control) the rate of sexual stimulation they receive…the aversive properties of mating are reduced. 

Ok, I can only take so much of this, I’ll feed you some more tomorrow because this is killing me.

No, really I don’t plan to talk about sex very much here.  I mean, some things really are still sacred.  But, I am going to share with you something I found.  What is it?  It is…the 10 Terrible Sex Tips as quoted by Cosmo magazine.

According to the article written about Cosmo, most of us who have ever had sex before already  know that the tips you find in these magazines is a bit far fetched and well…if terrible is the word you choose to describe them, then so be it.  But, let’s see what Crystal over at College OTR has to say she thinks the 10 Terrible Tips are.

Ok, first of all, she says the one where they suggest you cup his hand against your mouth and flick your tongue quickly in and out of the center of his hand is kind of dumb.  And, I kind of have to agree with her.  She calls it Hand Sex and well…yea, is that what that is?

Have your partner lay on their stomach and wet the skin below their butt with your tongue.  Then, blow on it…uh?  Yea, I’m still not following with Cosmo here.  I’m still on Crystals side so far.  Ok, another one here that sounds a bit ridiculous but maybe some guy out there would like to try it is giving your man a blow job while he hangs from a pull-up bar. 

I’m not so sure that one isn’t in there just because the chances of getting caught increase if you try this one is most places and we all know that having sex "outside" of your comfort zone is more exotic than anything.  Or well, I thought we all knew that. 

Number seven on her list basically exams the how-to’s of oral sex and well, it cause the male anatomy a hot dog and I have to agree with Crystal, hot dogs….nah, just not sexy no matter how you think about it.

There’s the tongue choke hold as she calls it and then there’s number six that just sounds like some pretty kinky foreplay..oh well, whatever floats your boat.  Number five revolves around a guy having to force his tongue into his girlfriends mouth and he found that sexy…hummmm, maybe he just had bad breath?

Number 3 involves hot water and again, I don’t like anything in my mouth that’s hot, not even hot chocolate and I love me some hot chocolate, but whatever……Number 2 says to chill some marbles in the fridge.  Ok, wait, Marbles?  Yea, marbles.  So, what they say is chill the marbles and then make your man lay on them.  Sounds like someone was just dreaming up stupid stuff by now.

And, finally, the number one terrible tip, put a glazed donut around his manhood and nibble it off. Look, I love me some donuts but I want to enjoy my donuts, not let someone else enjoy them for me.

Now, I"m finally going to close this big series of post that most everyone gave up on paragraphs ago but this is important.  I have been accused of writing something derogatory about another person.  No one seems to be able to provide me with the link to the place where I posted this "bad stuff" and no one can really tell me "what the bad stuff actually was" but that’s that. 

And, this person is now threatening bodily  harm on me.  I haven’t blogged about it.  It’s been an ongoing situation for about a month. Everyone who knows about it has suggested I contact the police.  However, I know from previous experience and from my lawyer from daycare, there is nothing I can do about this person unless they actually cause me harm.  So, if you find yourself telling people that I have contacted the police and then making judgements about my actions, you need to get affirmation that what you have written indeed true, lest you find yourself telling things that definitely aren’t true.  And, honestly, if you really believe any of the crazy stuff and feel so certain that it is true that you would stand on the street corner and gossip about it, discuss it over dinner with your family or blog about it, please make sure you are re-telling it correctly, lest you cause more harm than good.

So, for those of you out there who know about the situation, just know that I am doing the best I can to remain calm about it, but please, if you don’t have all the facts straight, please don’t reproduce the information that you think to be correct. 

And, finally, I suspect that no one can tell you what they would do in this situation unless they found themselves in this situation.  But, I can promise you one thing that I know no one would appreciate under these same circumstances…..being made fun of, being ridiculed for the manner in which they have chosen to handle it.  No one wants to be discussed in an untruthful manner and without first hand experience, a big part of what has been said in my situation came second handed and was untrue. 

Please, I ask you, be careful.  Learn to listen.  Learn when to be quiet.  Learn when to write.  Learn when to simply think.  But, when the decision to write arrives, make sure it is the truth that you write and not second hand knowledge. 

*Stepping off of my soapbox.  I’m very sorry to bring the New Year, 2009, in with such serious and somber topics, but something’s just needed to be brought out.  And, finally, when the sun goes down at night, and you find yourself laughing at someone whose writing has been exposed, then it would probably be a good idea to go read what you’ve previously written yourself and decide then and there if you truly want to your inner writings, your inner thoughts, the workings of your mind, etc to be exposed.  Because trust me when I tell you, people are vengant and people will do to you exactly what you’ve done to them.  And trust me again, a glass of cold water in the face feels like a glass of cold water in the face, regardless of who’s tossing water from the glass and in which direction it is going.  Simply put, for those of you by the water cooler chatting about this situation, don’t be surprised to hear your own inner thoughts being discussed at the snack machine while you stand by the water cooler and giggle yourself.

**OK, completely stepping down now.**

Anyway, I just want to say that I am no idiot.  I’ve made the horrible blogging mistakes of calling the grass orange.  I’ve done my best to repair that wrong and I have no ill feelings toward the grass for expecting me to clear up the matter.  And, I’ve made mistakes by using humor that simply wasn’t understood.  And, I’ve made mistakes in my choice of words sometimes, possibly saying that the ugly grass is orange.

So, what I’m saying is this, a bad choice of words, the bad use of an adjective like "ugly" and the pure unadulterated lie in situations like purple sky’s and orange grass are simply not even on the same page.

So, some people live by the philosophy that "this is my blog and I’ll say what I darn well please on it and I don’t care if it is offensive to you, Mr. Purple Sunshine or Mrs. Orange grass".  And, others like me, prefer to keep things calm and cool.  People make mistakes, people make bad choices when it comes to calling the sun purple or the orange grass ugly. 

This particular kind of of mistake is more what I refer to as a blooper.  A slip of the tongue if you will.  The other is lying. 

You see, that is a third application to the whole subject.  But, the bottom line is this, it is my blog, I will post what I want and when I want and I expect each and every blogger out there to do the same.  However, I expect any misuse of adjectives by me or any blogger elsewhere to be corrected when brought to the attention of the author.  No real apologies needed unless you are a true southern belle like myself and feel it is necessary, but, it is plainly excusable.

But, to lie about someone and then say, "It’s my blog I can write whatever I want and if you don’t like, then don’t read it", well that teeters on a bad attitude in one sense and even starts to spark the thoughts of words like libel and slander.  You can’t just go around telling your story the way you want to tell it when other people are involved especially when you aren’t telling the truth.

Really, you can’t.  So, my challenge to you Internet’s, if you have offended someone in 2008 with a bad choice of words (or just adjectives) or you have posted or commented somewhere and put up mis-information that you KNEW was wrong when you did it, make 2009 the time to go repair that. 

It’s a hard thing to do, but knowing that you’ve righted a wrong is way bigger than anyone’s ego.  Trust me, I was the offender in a a couple of situations.

And, with that, I want to say, if you think I’m talking to you in this post, you may or may not be correct.  I’ve been blogging for almost 9 years in one way or another.  I write on approximately 8 blogs a day and comment on close to 30 or 35.  I understand blog etiquette.  If you blog and you don’t understand how it works, ask someone. 

And, if the idea that I make money off of my writing is offensive to you, I’m sorry, but I ran up on this quote and it basically sums up how I feel about the issue of monetizing blogs…

“It should feel genuinely good to earn income from your blog — you should be driven by a healthy ambition to succeed. If your blog provides genuine value, you fully deserve to earn income from it.” (Steve Pavlina)

Let’s just put it this way, as quotes seem to go, "if you can’t  say something nice, it is probably best not to say anything at all".  I’m going to end this post with a very important issue regarding this whole subject.  Internet trolls, stalkers, what ever you choose to call them are real.

If you have the occasional troll and you know there’s no harm intended, then ignoring seems to be the best course of action.  If you have an Internet stalker on the other hand and you feel that you are in real imminent danger, then by all means, take the necessary precautions.  But, if you don’t know all the details of a situation like this regarding someone else, don’t post about it and magnify the problems.  And, finally, if you think for one minute that you are immune to being outed to your family, your friends, you parents, you employer, you need to think again.  And, if you post any situation on your blog but simply can’t seem to find a way to put your finger on where or how you received your information, it might be best if it is left un-written.  Because trust me, if you post about me and I know part of it isn’t true, you can be damn sure I’m going to be asking where you got your information.

Furthermore, if you don’t know what it means to be "Dooced" then look up the word Dooce, because it reads something like this…

"To lose ones job (fired) because of something you have publicly posted in a blog. The most common usage of the word is dooced (eg. she was dooced). The word dooced was coined in 2002 by Heather Armstrong, a Los Angeles Web designer who lost her job after writing about work colleagues in her personal blog, dooce.com."

And, while some of you sit back and laugh because someone else has been "dooced" (and not necessarily in a job situation but in a friend, family, spouse, etc,) beware, someone is probably plotting your own demise while the laughter rolls from your belly.

You know, the other old saying, ‘What’s good for the goose is good for the gander"  and let me tell you something, I’ve been the goose and I’ve been the gander.  But, I’ve learned my lesson. 

Be responsible for your actions, take responsibility for the words you put on the Internet.  Think about the consequences.  Think about how it looks and feels to outsiders.  Yea, just try to think first.  Like I said, I learned that the  hard way.

To Be Continued…..Part Three - coming up next

Stolen directly from Mother Goose Mouse is the following paragraph…

"I know that yesterday I was supposed to be all introspective, being the last day of the old year, and today I’m supposed to be looking forward to the new year ahead - setting goals and making resolutions - but honestly, I’m just glad for the status quo.  If, at the end of 2009, I’m still in the same place I was at the end of 2008, I’ll count myself lucky."

And, so, I spent the majority of the day trying to figure out exactly how to put into words what my brain is churning around, fermenting, maturing, and finally distinctively juggling around in honesty.

So, I figured, the best place to start was with some quotes.  I’ve been compiling them on and off all day..they are in this post but not necessarily in any order. 

What I want to talk about is blogging.  Yes, blogging.  What is blogging?  What does it mean to say, "I’m a blogger" or "She/He is a blogger?"  Is that a negative set of phrases?  To me it isn’t.  Well, wait, to me it hasn’t been in the past.  But, I have a few thoughts on what it means to be a blogger and some quotes to go with it.  I saved this post for January 2nd because I didn’t want it to muddy up my page for New Year’s Day.

“I believe the term “blog” means more than an online journal. I believe a blog is a conversation. People go to blogs to read AND write, not just consume.” (Michael Arrington)

This next quote probably sums up each and everything I want to say, but you know me,  have to add my 2 cents in with it.  The quote goes like this:

“Breathe. Know that the Internet has no eraser.” (Liz Strauss)

So, what exactly does that mean.  I’ll tell you what it means, it means, that once the words are put out there, you can never take them back.  You can never right a wrong and you can never deny your authorship.  So, naturally, common sense has to be employed lest bloggy-drama exist and persist and no one is happy. 

Where am I going with this, well, a couple of places.  One is to say, I’ve been guilty of expecting the eraser to work on the Internet.  And I found out the hard way that it doesn’t.  I’ll leave that as it is. 

The second part is this, just because it is my blog, does that give me the right to write whatever I want and then say, "well if you don’t want to read it, don’t come to this URL"?  I mean, is it ok for me to tell you that the sky is purple and the grass is orange, knowing full well that this is not true.  But, if you call me on it, do I have the right to be pissed because…you didn’t have to read it if you didn’t want to or do should it be the other way around, the person doing the misrepresentation is the one who should be angry?

That’s correct, I didn’t have to read it if I didn’t want to.  But, what if I happen to be the Sun or the Grass and a blogger has just posted this false information about me.  Do my rights then start to have meaning?

I’ve always lived by the thoughts that "your rights end where mine begin".  And, your right to blog about the sky being purple when I am the sky and I am clearly not purple really leads me back to that.  Your right to write that statement ends where my right to correct the information begins.

Is anyone still reading this?

To be continued….part two coming up soon…