Marital Talk

http://www.lifeasachristianwoman.com/  author, April Gilford, has had a series about abuse and how it is dealt with in the church. I would like to ad my 2 cents to what she has brought light to.
I have had a few friends who were in abusive marriages, and have seen and heard things that shocked me. One friend and her husband were counseling with their Pastor. The wife told the Pastor that the husband had hit her and bruised her thigh. The Pastor told her that he only did it because he loves her and was frustrated to the point of not knowing how to react.
Another friend was regularly being verbally abused and physically abused. They went to their Pastor, and he told the wife that if she would do things differently, and not fight against her husband’s wishes and be more submissive in her attitudes, the husband wouldn’t have to do these things.
When the second couple divorced, after about 6 years of this bad advice, the Pastor took the husband’s side- as did almost the whole church. Many people left the church when they saw what was going on.
My friend has remarried and soon after her wedding, she called me and said “I never knew it could be like this! I almost didn’t marry him because I was afraid of being abused again- but this is wonderful!”
In every wedding my husband has performed, he stresses the roles of both the husband and the wife. He uses Ephesians 5:21-33
He especailly remind husbands that their primary role as a husband is to love their wives, and lay their life down for her.
He has the conviction that if a man loves his wife, the wife will naturally do her part. But it first takes her being loved, cherished, honored, and cared for.
He also includes vs. 21- “submit to oneanother”
Abuse is never right, and it is never ok.
Abuse is not the fault of the abused, it is the abuser’s lack of self control and the desire to control the abused.
I know someone right now who has been emotionally and mentally abused for years, and never knew she was being abused because the manipulation and control were so subtle.
Now that she sees it for what it has been, she is getting out of it.
I know another family where the husband is the one being abused, and he won’t leave because - well….he’s a man right? He can take it!
Hogwash!!
Abuse is never ok.