Marital Talk

I believe there are ultimately only three types of married couples. Those that plan their lives around their marriage, those that plan their lives according to their marriage, and those that fall in between. Those who plan according to their marriage put their marriage at the forefront. Their decisions are based on how it would affect their spouse or family. Those that plan their lives around their marriage base their decisions on their wants and needs, sometimes forgetting they are part of a unit. My husband and I try our best to plan our lives according to our marriage and not around it; but we tend to fall in the in between category. For the times when we disregard the other person’s feelings or desires it usually causes marital friction. Marriage seems to work best when a couple plans their life according to their marriage.

If you’re not sure how you’re planning your life in regards to your marriage, think back to the three most recent occasions where you had to make a decision that affected you and your spouse or family. Did you make your decision right away, not giving a second thought to how your decision would affect anyone else? Did you think first of your spouse or family and make the decision that would best benefit them? Or did you think first about your spouse or family, taking into consideration their feelings, and compromise to make both you and them happy? The first choice means you plan around your marriage, the second in accordance with your marriage, and the last means you fall in between. If your marriage seems a little rocky, or you feel that things aren’t as harmonious as they once were, try changing the way you plan things.

For example, my husband doesn’t care for me to drink alcohol or bring it into the house. He’s not against people that drink and we have quite a few friends who do. He just doesn’t think it is a good thing for our family. On occasion, I like to have a beer or cocktail. But I thought hard about my husband’s wishes and decided that since his desires were important to me, and an occasional drink really wasn’t, that I would just abstain from drinking. In return, he thought about my desires and understands the rare occasion when I have a beer or fruity cocktail. Both of us planned this part of our life according to our marriage. I could have ignored him and drank whenever I felt like it, but imagine the friction that would have caused. Because I chose to make a choice according to my spouse’s wishes, I induced him to do the same. So if some things in your marriage seem strained, try making your next few decisions according to your marriage and ask your spouse to do the same.

marriage, family, married life, plans, couples