Marital Talk

Here’s the marriage joke for the week. Happy humorous hump day!

A man returned home from the night shift and went straight up to the bedroom. He found his wife with the sheet pulled over her head, fast asleep. Not to be denied, the husband crawled under the sheet and proceeded to make love to her. Afterward, as he hurried downstairs for something to eat, he was startled to find breakfast on the table and his wife pouring coffee.

“How’d you get down here so fast?” he asked. “We were just making love!”

“Oh my God,” his wife gasped, “That’s my mother up there! She came over early and had complained of having a headache. I told her to lie down for awhile.”

Rushing upstairs, the wife ran to the bedroom. “Mother, I can’t believe this happened. Why didn’t you say something?”

The mother-in-law huffed, “I haven’t spoken to that jerk for fifteen years, and I wasn’t about to start now!”

marriage humor, hump day, mother in law, jokes

Wednesday is officially known as hump day. You’ve gotten two down and two to go. Since Wednesday is officially my slump day, I thought a little humor would be good for Wednesdays. For some reason Wednesday is my busiest day of the week and I can always use a good laugh at the end of the day. Feel free to email some of your favorite marriage jokes to be used for Hump Day Humor.

Seven Stages of the Married Head Cold
1ST YEAR: Your spouse says, “Oh, sweetie pie, I’m really worried about those nasty sniffles you have! There’s no telling what that could turn into with all the strep that’s been going around. I’m going to take you right down to the hospital and have you admitted for a couple days of rest. I know the food is lousy there, so I’m going to bring you some Italian takeout. I’ve already arranged it with the head nurse.”

2ND YEAR: “Listen, honey, I don’t like the sound of that cough. I called the doc and he’s going to stop by here and take a look at you. Why don’t you just go on to bed and get the rest you need?”

3RD YEAR: “Maybe you better go lie down, darling. When you feel lousy you need the rest. I’ll bring you something–do we have any canned soup and apple juice around here?”

4TH YEAR: “No sense wearing yourself out when you’re under the weather. After you make dinner, finish the dishes, the kids’ baths and get them to bed, you ought to go to bed yourself!”

5TH YEAR: “Why don’t you take a couple aspirin?”

6TH YEAR: “You ought to go gargle or something, instead of sitting around barking like a dog!”

7TH YEAR: “For Pete’s sake, stop sneezing. Are you trying to give me pneumonia? You’d better pick up some tissues and cough syrup while you’re at the store.”

Happy Humorous Hump Day!!

humor, marriage humor, jokes, marriage jokes