Marital Talk

Not everyone dreams of the perfect, romantic wedding proposal. While most women think long and hard about the way they’d like to be asked to marry the man of their dreams, men are often left confused, and sometimes scared, that their idea of a wedding proposal won’t measure up.

I’m happy to report that when The Monkey asked me to marry him, he did so in a way that was unique, perfect to us, and private enough that it will always be a moment just the two of us share.

There’s been some credence given lately to geeky proposals, and Wired Magazine posted an article online of the top five geeky marriage proposals in honor of non-traditionalists everywhere.

From using Google Maps and the IPhone to hacking a video game and virtual diamonds, this article showcases the ways the geek-set can pop the question in a less traditional way. I love the idea of hacking her favorite video game, but even if your lady isn’t the gamer type, this article opens the door to a wider variety of proposals than hidden in the cake or at their favorite restaurant.

So, the big closet reorganize that I had planned for this weekend didn’t actually happen. I was struck down with a sickness, and couple that with the Super Bowl party we had, and not much else got done unfortunately.

But having a few friends over to watch the game, all of us choosing sides and rooting until the final seconds, gave me some time to contemplate a part of marriage I never would have thought would be important.

The importance of picking sports teams carefully.

You may laugh at me, but where I live there’s a certain college team that takes up a large portion of the hearts of most men, and when I moved here I had to quickly adapt to the reality that most fall weekends would be spent either watching football, excitedly talking about watching football, or rehashing every moment of the football game that was just watched.

It’s easy to pick the local team to cheer for, but when it comes to something like the Super Bowl, it can get much more difficult. So when I came down the stairs, proudly sporting my gold and black (YAY STEELERS!), it was to the chagrin of my fiancé, who was rooting quite loudly for the Cardinals.

In some homes this sort of behavior is acceptable, and thankfully ours is one of those houses. With pro football. Again, if it had been college football, and I’d been wearing anything other than Husker red …. Actually, I don’t even want to think about it!

Who knew sports were such a volatile subject? So my question for this Monday: how important a role do sports play in your home and marriage?

Yesterday…no wait, let me back up… I am a big sissy when it comes to pain.  And, when I pack for a vacation, I never ever ever ever pack a razor that’s loaded.  That means, I always put a cover on the darn thing or I just throw that one away and take a new on fresh in the pack.  But, this trip, this trip I was in a hurry.  As if anyone was going to need to shave in the freakin 20 degree weather.  But, anyway, I packed a loaded razor.

With that loaded razor, I also packed my make-up.  Yea, you see where this is going don’t you?  I was digging my make-up which, why did I bring make-up, who wears make-up when it is 20 degree’s, but hey, I wanted at least one photo of me where I looked like a blimp with make-up as opposed to…well whatever the opposite that might be…

Anyway, I was digging in the overnight bag and pulling out make-up.  I’m not a big made-up girl, I mean, I’m a big girl, a really big girl, but not when it comes to my make-up.  Anyway, how am I getting off track so easily.

Anyway, I pulled out the base, check, the powder, check, the brush, check, the blush, check, the eye liner….eye liner…..where’s that eye liner……I can’t find the eye liner…….

Ok, put the other stuff down, insert hand into overnight bag, dig for eye liner and WHAM!  Just like I have envisioned it would be, I cut the frickin’ daylights out of my index finger on my right hand. 

Ok, no problem, where’s the…….crap, I didn’t bring band aids because…who needs band aids in 20 degree weather….?

I wrap my finger, finish with the eye liner AFTER Boy Genius dug it and the razor out of the bag WITHOUT chopping off his finger…….we leave, finger is still bleeding like mad, what am I?  A stuck pig?

We go in the office at the condo, lady only has these itty bitty band aids that might have been ok for my 4 year old’s pinky toe but not for my big girl finger. 

So, we wrap 3 or 4 around here and head on our way.  We stop for an 18 dollar box of band aids (no really, they didn’t cost 18 bucks but with the cost of everything else around here, it wouldn’t have surprised me).  I put on one of these monster band aids (yea, my husband knows I’m a big girl) and that was the end of it. 

Then, a few minutes ago, Boy Genius says to me, "Did you change your band aid today?"

What?  Change the band aid?  My finger hurts and the less I mess with it, the better it feels, no I’m not changing the band aid.  "Yea, you have to change the band aid" he says.  Ok, fine get me another one of those monster 18 dollar band aids.

When he returns, I pull off the other monster 18 dollar band aid and show him my finger.  This is where he yells, "you filet it…gross, ugh ugh ugh, I’m gonna throw up, ugh, ugh, I didn’t want to see it, ugh ugh, gross, gross, you filet it"

And, I was laughing my arse off.  I suggested that, "I figured if you were bringing the fresh band aid you wanted to see the damage".  To which he replied, "Yea and the next time I have a hemorrhoid I’ll show it to you!"

Whoa!  Hemorrhoids and razor cut fingers are so not the same thing.

As you all know, we started counseling because my husband and I had some difficulties.  One of those was the fact that we had children who slept in our bed.  Here’s how the story worked:

Prior to the first child (which lasted from August of 2001 until January of 2003):

Then, from January 2003 until November 2004:

Then, from November 2004 til October 13, 2008

The last two nights:

So, today we go to counseling……..

I’m taking the lazy way out on this one.  I talk to an old friend earlier tonight through text messages while getting my birthday present.  What did I get?  I got a tattoo.  No, I am not kidding.  Yes, I most certainly did get a tattoo.  We rarely celebrate adult birthdays in our family.  The kids?  Oh yea, they get a great party with lots of presents.  But, I can’t remember the last time my husband and I bought and exchanged presents for our birthdays, anniversary’s or even mothers and fathers day.  So, since my birthday fell during the week or our vacation, I suggested we do something that we’ve both talked about at some point and time and call it this years birthday/anniversary/mother’s-father’s day gifts.  What was it that I wanted so terribly bad?  A tattoo.  Yea, I’m not kidding. 

Here’s mine, it is on my shoulder so that I can still wear some of my sleeveless outfits that I consider to be "dress up" without anyone actually seeing the tattoo (sometimes you know, you just need to be really somber and my tattoo is nothing near somber) but in just regular everyday sleeveless clothes, it will peek out and people should be able to see it.  And, if they don’t, I don’t care, I got it for me, not the world anyway. 

Here’s a picture of my little gem…..

My husband is gone now to get his.  He is getting an American Bald Eagle with red, white and blue stripes on it.  Since we are on vacation, we had to take turns going to the parlor because we didn’t want to take the kids along.  I’m not sure when he will return, his should take longer than mine since it costs substantially more and looked quite more detailed.  Money wasn’t really the issue, we picked out what we wanted and that was the end of that.

When I started writing this, I had planned to tell you something entirely different, but I’ll save that for another day. 

So, what do you think? 

Would you and your spouse do something like this? 

Does your family have a big celebration for the adults like they do for the kids?

Do you and your spouse make a big deal out of your anniversary and mother’s and father’s day?

Tell me what how you celebrate as a couple. 

Well, as it seems, we’ve had some visitors here.  And, with that, our Poll Results have changed a little.  You can see them for yourself but I thought it interesting that Money and Parenting cause about the same about of stress and sex and chores are equal.  Trust issues come in down there with a low six percent but I will be the first to admit that I had serious trust issues in my present marriage because of the garbage from my last marriage.

So, with that, let’s see what the strong points are in our marriages.  Take this poll and let me know what you think is most important.

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Hello and Welcome

Hi, my name is Jerri Ann and I’m your new host for Marital Talk. I had a lot of thoughts about what I would tell you in my first post. However, after a visit to see our psychiatrist today, I thought I’d share this little tidbit of knowledge and introduce myself later.

*After discussing various anti-depressants and their effects on people.*

Doc: hummm, lexapro does that sometimes, but not like prozac did when it was new

*my husband and I both looking at him for further explanation”

Doc: when prozac came out years ago one of the side effects was spontaneous yawing and orgasm

*silence fills the room*

Doc: just remember, women can fake it

*more silence”

*My husband has ADD which is why he is a patient of my long known psychiatrist. I see him for depression and anxiety.*

I just wanted to look at the doc and say, “gee thanks doc, you spoiled my life plan”. Just kidding…we’ll get to that stuff some day. Not today, but some day.

And, again, I say to you, welcome!

Here’s the marriage joke for the week. Happy humorous hump day!

A man returned home from the night shift and went straight up to the bedroom. He found his wife with the sheet pulled over her head, fast asleep. Not to be denied, the husband crawled under the sheet and proceeded to make love to her. Afterward, as he hurried downstairs for something to eat, he was startled to find breakfast on the table and his wife pouring coffee.

“How’d you get down here so fast?” he asked. “We were just making love!”

“Oh my God,” his wife gasped, “That’s my mother up there! She came over early and had complained of having a headache. I told her to lie down for awhile.”

Rushing upstairs, the wife ran to the bedroom. “Mother, I can’t believe this happened. Why didn’t you say something?”

The mother-in-law huffed, “I haven’t spoken to that jerk for fifteen years, and I wasn’t about to start now!”

marriage humor, hump day, mother in law, jokes

Wednesday is officially known as hump day. You’ve gotten two down and two to go. Since Wednesday is officially my slump day, I thought a little humor would be good for Wednesdays. For some reason Wednesday is my busiest day of the week and I can always use a good laugh at the end of the day. Feel free to email some of your favorite marriage jokes to be used for Hump Day Humor.

Seven Stages of the Married Head Cold
1ST YEAR: Your spouse says, “Oh, sweetie pie, I’m really worried about those nasty sniffles you have! There’s no telling what that could turn into with all the strep that’s been going around. I’m going to take you right down to the hospital and have you admitted for a couple days of rest. I know the food is lousy there, so I’m going to bring you some Italian takeout. I’ve already arranged it with the head nurse.”

2ND YEAR: “Listen, honey, I don’t like the sound of that cough. I called the doc and he’s going to stop by here and take a look at you. Why don’t you just go on to bed and get the rest you need?”

3RD YEAR: “Maybe you better go lie down, darling. When you feel lousy you need the rest. I’ll bring you something–do we have any canned soup and apple juice around here?”

4TH YEAR: “No sense wearing yourself out when you’re under the weather. After you make dinner, finish the dishes, the kids’ baths and get them to bed, you ought to go to bed yourself!”

5TH YEAR: “Why don’t you take a couple aspirin?”

6TH YEAR: “You ought to go gargle or something, instead of sitting around barking like a dog!”

7TH YEAR: “For Pete’s sake, stop sneezing. Are you trying to give me pneumonia? You’d better pick up some tissues and cough syrup while you’re at the store.”

Happy Humorous Hump Day!!

humor, marriage humor, jokes, marriage jokes