Marital Talk

Ok, where do I start?  I guess I should introduce you to him first.  I met him through the ol’ bloggy world, twitter and he participated in my 12 Days of Christmas Give Away and has already signed up to participate in a give away at Blissdom.  And, of course, he sent me the book to read and review. 

I’ve asked him a few times if it matter to him how I handled this.  I can’t get a straight answer out of him.  He covers that in his book too.  He covers the fact that men should be straight with women.  And, here, I’ve waited all week on him to tell me how he wanted me to do this.  Still nothing.  So, I am going to assume that he is just that great of a guy and he isn’t going to “tell me how to do it”. 

Wow!  A man not issuing orders!  Ha! 

Let me just steal this from Moms Most Wanted to get the ball rolling….

Charles Orlando is an author, writer and relationship coach in the San Francisco Bay Area. He is an active member of American Mensa, and his writing has been published in a variety of publications, both online and offline. Charles’ past experience as a “morally challenged” young man—combined with over 1,600 interviews with men and women—has brought The Problem with Women… is Men: The Evolution of a Man’s Man to a Man of Higher Consciousness to life, taking readers on a humorous, blunt, tell-all romp through the world of men and their issues. Through his efforts, Charles hopes to assist women in regaining their sanity, and empower men in evolving beyond their primal instincts.Charles owns up to being a student from "the University of Life with a major in Womanizer, and a minor in Insensitivity To Others."

You can win a copy of his book over on Moms Most Wanted too.

So, what do I want to say first about this?  I actually have a fairly evolved man.  Evolved is Mr. Orlando’s word, and I don’t want anyone to think I am bragging, but you will see, as I do this review, I actually have a husband who fits into the mold of a good man to have.

So, he is mine ladies, find your own.  On top of that, I want you to know that it took me four tries to get him….and The Problem with Women….is Men addresses that!

So, each day, look for a play by play without letting the cat completely out of the bag.  You really do wanna get your hands on it and give it a read though.

Now, I"m finally going to close this big series of post that most everyone gave up on paragraphs ago but this is important.  I have been accused of writing something derogatory about another person.  No one seems to be able to provide me with the link to the place where I posted this "bad stuff" and no one can really tell me "what the bad stuff actually was" but that’s that. 

And, this person is now threatening bodily  harm on me.  I haven’t blogged about it.  It’s been an ongoing situation for about a month. Everyone who knows about it has suggested I contact the police.  However, I know from previous experience and from my lawyer from daycare, there is nothing I can do about this person unless they actually cause me harm.  So, if you find yourself telling people that I have contacted the police and then making judgements about my actions, you need to get affirmation that what you have written indeed true, lest you find yourself telling things that definitely aren’t true.  And, honestly, if you really believe any of the crazy stuff and feel so certain that it is true that you would stand on the street corner and gossip about it, discuss it over dinner with your family or blog about it, please make sure you are re-telling it correctly, lest you cause more harm than good.

So, for those of you out there who know about the situation, just know that I am doing the best I can to remain calm about it, but please, if you don’t have all the facts straight, please don’t reproduce the information that you think to be correct. 

And, finally, I suspect that no one can tell you what they would do in this situation unless they found themselves in this situation.  But, I can promise you one thing that I know no one would appreciate under these same circumstances…..being made fun of, being ridiculed for the manner in which they have chosen to handle it.  No one wants to be discussed in an untruthful manner and without first hand experience, a big part of what has been said in my situation came second handed and was untrue. 

Please, I ask you, be careful.  Learn to listen.  Learn when to be quiet.  Learn when to write.  Learn when to simply think.  But, when the decision to write arrives, make sure it is the truth that you write and not second hand knowledge. 

*Stepping off of my soapbox.  I’m very sorry to bring the New Year, 2009, in with such serious and somber topics, but something’s just needed to be brought out.  And, finally, when the sun goes down at night, and you find yourself laughing at someone whose writing has been exposed, then it would probably be a good idea to go read what you’ve previously written yourself and decide then and there if you truly want to your inner writings, your inner thoughts, the workings of your mind, etc to be exposed.  Because trust me when I tell you, people are vengant and people will do to you exactly what you’ve done to them.  And trust me again, a glass of cold water in the face feels like a glass of cold water in the face, regardless of who’s tossing water from the glass and in which direction it is going.  Simply put, for those of you by the water cooler chatting about this situation, don’t be surprised to hear your own inner thoughts being discussed at the snack machine while you stand by the water cooler and giggle yourself.

**OK, completely stepping down now.**

Anyway, I just want to say that I am no idiot.  I’ve made the horrible blogging mistakes of calling the grass orange.  I’ve done my best to repair that wrong and I have no ill feelings toward the grass for expecting me to clear up the matter.  And, I’ve made mistakes by using humor that simply wasn’t understood.  And, I’ve made mistakes in my choice of words sometimes, possibly saying that the ugly grass is orange.

So, what I’m saying is this, a bad choice of words, the bad use of an adjective like "ugly" and the pure unadulterated lie in situations like purple sky’s and orange grass are simply not even on the same page.

So, some people live by the philosophy that "this is my blog and I’ll say what I darn well please on it and I don’t care if it is offensive to you, Mr. Purple Sunshine or Mrs. Orange grass".  And, others like me, prefer to keep things calm and cool.  People make mistakes, people make bad choices when it comes to calling the sun purple or the orange grass ugly. 

This particular kind of of mistake is more what I refer to as a blooper.  A slip of the tongue if you will.  The other is lying. 

You see, that is a third application to the whole subject.  But, the bottom line is this, it is my blog, I will post what I want and when I want and I expect each and every blogger out there to do the same.  However, I expect any misuse of adjectives by me or any blogger elsewhere to be corrected when brought to the attention of the author.  No real apologies needed unless you are a true southern belle like myself and feel it is necessary, but, it is plainly excusable.

But, to lie about someone and then say, "It’s my blog I can write whatever I want and if you don’t like, then don’t read it", well that teeters on a bad attitude in one sense and even starts to spark the thoughts of words like libel and slander.  You can’t just go around telling your story the way you want to tell it when other people are involved especially when you aren’t telling the truth.

Really, you can’t.  So, my challenge to you Internet’s, if you have offended someone in 2008 with a bad choice of words (or just adjectives) or you have posted or commented somewhere and put up mis-information that you KNEW was wrong when you did it, make 2009 the time to go repair that. 

It’s a hard thing to do, but knowing that you’ve righted a wrong is way bigger than anyone’s ego.  Trust me, I was the offender in a a couple of situations.

And, with that, I want to say, if you think I’m talking to you in this post, you may or may not be correct.  I’ve been blogging for almost 9 years in one way or another.  I write on approximately 8 blogs a day and comment on close to 30 or 35.  I understand blog etiquette.  If you blog and you don’t understand how it works, ask someone. 

And, if the idea that I make money off of my writing is offensive to you, I’m sorry, but I ran up on this quote and it basically sums up how I feel about the issue of monetizing blogs…

“It should feel genuinely good to earn income from your blog — you should be driven by a healthy ambition to succeed. If your blog provides genuine value, you fully deserve to earn income from it.” (Steve Pavlina)

Let’s just put it this way, as quotes seem to go, "if you can’t  say something nice, it is probably best not to say anything at all".  I’m going to end this post with a very important issue regarding this whole subject.  Internet trolls, stalkers, what ever you choose to call them are real.

If you have the occasional troll and you know there’s no harm intended, then ignoring seems to be the best course of action.  If you have an Internet stalker on the other hand and you feel that you are in real imminent danger, then by all means, take the necessary precautions.  But, if you don’t know all the details of a situation like this regarding someone else, don’t post about it and magnify the problems.  And, finally, if you think for one minute that you are immune to being outed to your family, your friends, you parents, you employer, you need to think again.  And, if you post any situation on your blog but simply can’t seem to find a way to put your finger on where or how you received your information, it might be best if it is left un-written.  Because trust me, if you post about me and I know part of it isn’t true, you can be damn sure I’m going to be asking where you got your information.

Furthermore, if you don’t know what it means to be "Dooced" then look up the word Dooce, because it reads something like this…

"To lose ones job (fired) because of something you have publicly posted in a blog. The most common usage of the word is dooced (eg. she was dooced). The word dooced was coined in 2002 by Heather Armstrong, a Los Angeles Web designer who lost her job after writing about work colleagues in her personal blog, dooce.com."

And, while some of you sit back and laugh because someone else has been "dooced" (and not necessarily in a job situation but in a friend, family, spouse, etc,) beware, someone is probably plotting your own demise while the laughter rolls from your belly.

You know, the other old saying, ‘What’s good for the goose is good for the gander"  and let me tell you something, I’ve been the goose and I’ve been the gander.  But, I’ve learned my lesson. 

Be responsible for your actions, take responsibility for the words you put on the Internet.  Think about the consequences.  Think about how it looks and feels to outsiders.  Yea, just try to think first.  Like I said, I learned that the  hard way.

To Be Continued…..Part Three - coming up next

Stolen directly from Mother Goose Mouse is the following paragraph…

"I know that yesterday I was supposed to be all introspective, being the last day of the old year, and today I’m supposed to be looking forward to the new year ahead - setting goals and making resolutions - but honestly, I’m just glad for the status quo.  If, at the end of 2009, I’m still in the same place I was at the end of 2008, I’ll count myself lucky."

And, so, I spent the majority of the day trying to figure out exactly how to put into words what my brain is churning around, fermenting, maturing, and finally distinctively juggling around in honesty.

So, I figured, the best place to start was with some quotes.  I’ve been compiling them on and off all day..they are in this post but not necessarily in any order. 

What I want to talk about is blogging.  Yes, blogging.  What is blogging?  What does it mean to say, "I’m a blogger" or "She/He is a blogger?"  Is that a negative set of phrases?  To me it isn’t.  Well, wait, to me it hasn’t been in the past.  But, I have a few thoughts on what it means to be a blogger and some quotes to go with it.  I saved this post for January 2nd because I didn’t want it to muddy up my page for New Year’s Day.

“I believe the term “blog” means more than an online journal. I believe a blog is a conversation. People go to blogs to read AND write, not just consume.” (Michael Arrington)

This next quote probably sums up each and everything I want to say, but you know me,  have to add my 2 cents in with it.  The quote goes like this:

“Breathe. Know that the Internet has no eraser.” (Liz Strauss)

So, what exactly does that mean.  I’ll tell you what it means, it means, that once the words are put out there, you can never take them back.  You can never right a wrong and you can never deny your authorship.  So, naturally, common sense has to be employed lest bloggy-drama exist and persist and no one is happy. 

Where am I going with this, well, a couple of places.  One is to say, I’ve been guilty of expecting the eraser to work on the Internet.  And I found out the hard way that it doesn’t.  I’ll leave that as it is. 

The second part is this, just because it is my blog, does that give me the right to write whatever I want and then say, "well if you don’t want to read it, don’t come to this URL"?  I mean, is it ok for me to tell you that the sky is purple and the grass is orange, knowing full well that this is not true.  But, if you call me on it, do I have the right to be pissed because…you didn’t have to read it if you didn’t want to or do should it be the other way around, the person doing the misrepresentation is the one who should be angry?

That’s correct, I didn’t have to read it if I didn’t want to.  But, what if I happen to be the Sun or the Grass and a blogger has just posted this false information about me.  Do my rights then start to have meaning?

I’ve always lived by the thoughts that "your rights end where mine begin".  And, your right to blog about the sky being purple when I am the sky and I am clearly not purple really leads me back to that.  Your right to write that statement ends where my right to correct the information begins.

Is anyone still reading this?

To be continued….part two coming up soon…

Yesterday…no wait, let me back up… I am a big sissy when it comes to pain.  And, when I pack for a vacation, I never ever ever ever pack a razor that’s loaded.  That means, I always put a cover on the darn thing or I just throw that one away and take a new on fresh in the pack.  But, this trip, this trip I was in a hurry.  As if anyone was going to need to shave in the freakin 20 degree weather.  But, anyway, I packed a loaded razor.

With that loaded razor, I also packed my make-up.  Yea, you see where this is going don’t you?  I was digging my make-up which, why did I bring make-up, who wears make-up when it is 20 degree’s, but hey, I wanted at least one photo of me where I looked like a blimp with make-up as opposed to…well whatever the opposite that might be…

Anyway, I was digging in the overnight bag and pulling out make-up.  I’m not a big made-up girl, I mean, I’m a big girl, a really big girl, but not when it comes to my make-up.  Anyway, how am I getting off track so easily.

Anyway, I pulled out the base, check, the powder, check, the brush, check, the blush, check, the eye liner….eye liner…..where’s that eye liner……I can’t find the eye liner…….

Ok, put the other stuff down, insert hand into overnight bag, dig for eye liner and WHAM!  Just like I have envisioned it would be, I cut the frickin’ daylights out of my index finger on my right hand. 

Ok, no problem, where’s the…….crap, I didn’t bring band aids because…who needs band aids in 20 degree weather….?

I wrap my finger, finish with the eye liner AFTER Boy Genius dug it and the razor out of the bag WITHOUT chopping off his finger…….we leave, finger is still bleeding like mad, what am I?  A stuck pig?

We go in the office at the condo, lady only has these itty bitty band aids that might have been ok for my 4 year old’s pinky toe but not for my big girl finger. 

So, we wrap 3 or 4 around here and head on our way.  We stop for an 18 dollar box of band aids (no really, they didn’t cost 18 bucks but with the cost of everything else around here, it wouldn’t have surprised me).  I put on one of these monster band aids (yea, my husband knows I’m a big girl) and that was the end of it. 

Then, a few minutes ago, Boy Genius says to me, "Did you change your band aid today?"

What?  Change the band aid?  My finger hurts and the less I mess with it, the better it feels, no I’m not changing the band aid.  "Yea, you have to change the band aid" he says.  Ok, fine get me another one of those monster 18 dollar band aids.

When he returns, I pull off the other monster 18 dollar band aid and show him my finger.  This is where he yells, "you filet it…gross, ugh ugh ugh, I’m gonna throw up, ugh, ugh, I didn’t want to see it, ugh ugh, gross, gross, you filet it"

And, I was laughing my arse off.  I suggested that, "I figured if you were bringing the fresh band aid you wanted to see the damage".  To which he replied, "Yea and the next time I have a hemorrhoid I’ll show it to you!"

Whoa!  Hemorrhoids and razor cut fingers are so not the same thing.

Yea, that’s right, we skipped the pool today.  Never mind that even with an indoor heated pool, I just can’t get into it when it is cold outside…don’t know why.

But, today has been one of those really odd days because…..I never went to sleep Sunday night and then last night or rather around 2:30 this morning I took a sleeping pill so I could go to sleep.  I’m not sure why I’m having such extreme difficulties with insomnia but I am. 

I have a wonderful husband and only because I have a wonderful husband, I slept finally.  He took the boys to the game room (which trust me was like heaven for him as well as them) while I slept off some of the sleeping pill and managed to get some rest.  I arose around 2:30 this afternoon when they returned.

Yes, that’s what you call a good husband people.  The man is amazing, miraculous and I am very lucky to be married to him.  Our children don’t have a clue how lucky they are to have a father who is as intelligent, loving, and thoughtful as theirs is.

I am about to take my insomnia induced headache to bed because he is trying to sleep right here beside me and I think my pecking on the computer is keeping him awake…OOPS!

See, I’m not near as good of a wife as he is a husband…

This is a photo from the wedding we shot a few weeks back…I thought since I was admiring my own husband in this post, this photo would be appropriate as well…

I haven’t abandoned the ol’ blog here.  I’ve had my head underneath a pile of work of another kind.  You see, first of all my cousin, the baby of the family got married.  She asked me to do the photographs.  I wasn’t to excited about it but figured I could do a decent job.  And, we did. 

But, then…when we got to rehearsal (we wanted to see what was going on because we don’t do this all the time so we weren’t familiar with a lot of what was going on), she asked me to be the Director.  Yea, I can do that.  As a matter of fact, I like telling people what to do so, hey, sure, I’m game.

Then, the day after the rehearsal (which was a week before the wedding), she shows up at my house with some blank programs that she had purchased and the name of the wedding party participants.  She didn’t however have anything else written down nor did she know what she wanted the programs to say……so….sure I can do that.

That took me a full week.  Then, the wedding came and it took me the last two weeks to get the photos edited.  I have to be a brag butt and share my 3 favorite photos…..I’m fairly certain that I’ve already posted these but I really do like them so…hey, you are gonna have to look again…..

Ok, well, this is more than 3 but when I got started… I didn’t know where to stop….the first 3 are my favorite 3 but there are really more that I like a whole lot….if I have to say so myself…

not your traditional pictures by the way…..my favorites I mean…they aren’t your traditional wedding photos for the most part…they are either poses I dreamed up or saw on someone’s website….

this was staged by the way…they really weren’t that bored, lol

I love this photo…if I can figure out how to get that darn set of drums out of the background…argh

now some others that I really really like…

And, since I’ve shared so much of this, let me tell you, she walked down the aisle to "Butterfly Kisses" by Bob Carlisleinstead of the wedding march.  The groom pulled the red carpet out for her on the first verse, we opened the doors on the first chorus and then we edited out the "sweet 16" verse and she walked down the aisle to the following words….

She’ll change her name today.
She’ll make a promise and I’ll give her away.
Standing in the bride-room just staring at her.
She asked me what I’m thinking and I said "I’m not
sure-I just feel like I’m losing my baby girl."
She leaned over…gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there,
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair
"Walk my down the aisle, Daddy-it’s just about time."
"Does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy? Daddy, don’t cry!"

Oh, with all that I’ve done wrong I must have
done something right.
To deserve your love every morning and butterfly
kisses-I couldn’t ask God for more, man this is what love is.

I know I gotta let her go, but I’ll always remember
every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses.

If you’ve never heard the song before, get a listen here:

And, then, when they were introduced as Mr. and Mrs….they left the alter to the Beetles song, I’m a Believer…

I thought love was only true in fairy tales
Meant for someone else but not for me.
Oh, love was out to get me
That’s the way it seems
Disappointment haunted all my dreams.
Then I saw her face
Now I’m a believer.
Not a trace
Of doubt in my mind.
I’m in love
(uuuuuu)
I’m a believer, I couldn’t leave her
if I tried
I thought love was more or less a given thing
The more I gave the less I got,
What’s the use of trying
All you get is pain
When I wanted sunshine I got rain
Then I saw her face,
Now i’m a believer.
Not a trace
Of doubt in my mind.
I’m in love
(uuuuuu)
I’m a believer, I couldn’t leave her
if I tried
Oh, love was out to get me
That’s the way it seems
Disappointment haunted all my dreams.
Then I saw her face
Now I’m a believer.
Not a trace
Of doubt in my mind.
I’m in love
(uuuuuu)
I’m a believer, I couldn’t leave her
if I tried
I’m a believer

My fiancé and I are attempting to do something no other couple has done before (at least, that’s how it feels). We’re attempting to plan our wedding without going into Wedding Debt. Many couples will take any money generously given by parents, and then add to it using their credit cards and savings accounts in order to plan their special day. But early on, The Monkey and I agreed that we didn’t want to start our marriage with any more joint debt than our house. Because we both already have personal debt, we were positive that getting through our wedding day on just the money we were gifted by family would be a good test of our budgeting and our ability to remember what we felt was most important and not get all caught up in the details.

We’re now halfway through planning the Big Day, and I’m more grateful than ever we made this decision. It’s helped us to keep from agreeing to seemingly small things that could break our budget, and forced us to stay focused on the parts of the day that we consider most important.

Our budget is approximately 1/3 of what most wedding magazines will tell you is the average amount spent on a wedding in America today. Knowing that we were working at a seeming disadvantage, we immediately implemented these strategies and ideas to help us wade through.

1. We focused on what was most important. For us, this was having an intimate ceremony, and then being able to have a big party, full of drinking and dancing and even some karaoke thrown in – each of these things representing part of us and our relationship. This meant we’d want tons of pictures, our close friends around us, and a DIY feel to the day (I’m a rather crafty person) to represent both of our personalities best. Keeping these two pictures in our heads has helped when suggestions and ideas pop up, or we’re faced with a "this is something you HAVE to have" comment.
2. We’ve let the rest of the details get put on hold, or adjusted to fit what’s left of our budget. If it didn’t fit directly in with one of our two main goals for our wedding day, it’s been put on hold. That means things like table decorations, jewelry and accessories, and even guest favors are being either ignored completely or done in a much less expensive way. Items that tend to be big-budget, like flowers, will be done by me, in order to cut costs a ton.
3. I didn’t buy stacks of wedding magazines to look through. I was lucky to have a friend get married at the beginning of our engagement, and she gifted me with a few of her bridal magazines and books, but we’ve largely ignored what the industry says we should be doing. This keeps us away from thinking about what we "should" have, and focused on what we truly want our day to look like.
4. We worked through the major details in record time. By getting the hall picked out, the ceremony site reserved, and the photographer, deejay and attendants all nailed down within the first month of our engagement, we were left with all the major decisions handled and a ton of time to breathe. Attacking the wedding planning in this way forced us to make quick decisions, and has given us the gift of not having much planning to do during the holidays.
5. Finally, we’re keeping the Day-Of schedule as loose as we can. By watching most of my friends get married, I’ve learned that the more scheduled and set your wedding day is, the more money you’re going to spend to keep it that way. The only items we’ve got to be at by a certain time are our hair appointments and the reception itself. Because the wedding is so small and we’re being married in a park, the time is fluid. This makes pictures fluid, and most of the prep time fluid as well. While this is definitely less stressful, it also means we don’t have to spend a ton of money on day-of wedding planners, cars to take people to and from sites to ensure their prompt arrival, or delivery companies to get items like flowers or the cake to their designated spots.

The plan isn’t fool-proof, but thus far we’ve managed to use these five basic concepts to keep from having to dip into either our savings or our credit cards. What are some of your thoughts on sticking to a budget and keeping your wedding debt-free?

When not guest posting for Marital Talk (http://www.maritaltalk.com/three-months-to-go/) Robyn writes at her blog Craft and Found (http://www.craftandfound.com).

Most people will tell you horrific in-law stories. Either values don’t line up or personalities conflict in major ways, but it seems everyone has at least one in-law they can point to as a reason in itself not to get married. But I’ve gotten extremely lucky when it comes to my future in-laws. The Monkey’s parents are wonderful people and have already taken me in like another child in their family. We’re past that "must impress the new person" phase as well, so I’ve really started to get to know them for the people that they are, and while I’m sure there’ll be the typical family spats in our future, I’ve got high hopes that we’ll be one big happy family from day one.

I’d thought The Monkey would have a similar experience with my family. And, while for the most part he has, this past Thanksgiving’s trip to meet my ENTIRE extended family proved to be a test of his strength. Literally.

There is a long-running joke in my family concerning a male suitor of mine and chopping fire wood. It dates back to junior high, when I had a crush on a boy who helped my father split up some wood in our back yard, and has hung around as a humorous anecdote. My father has joked that before I get married, my fiancé will have to split firewood to prove he’s worthy. Enter our trip to visit the family, and my grandfather’s back yard full of trees they’d just had cut down.

The jokes immediately began flying through the phone and e-mail, and The Monkey geared up for what was sure to be a test of his strength and worthiness. In reality, everyone went outside early Friday morning and, with the help of a power log-splitter, chopped up the three trees that had already been cut down. We did get a few pictures of The Monkey ceremonially chopping a few logs, which he did wonderfully and in the full spirit of the day.

I’m just thankful I didn’t have to pass a similar test to be considered part of HIS family!

When not guest posting for Marital Talk (http://www.maritaltalk.com/three-months-to-go/) Robyn writes at her blog Craft and Found (http://www.craftandfound.com).

Tis the season for blogger contests and honestly, I’ve had a blast.  I’ve only won one thing but my own give away has been just as much fun.  Anyway, you can find a Land’s End contest and give away on Blonde Reviews and I mean, who doesn’t like Land’s End?

So go, go find all these blogger contest and just keep entering until your heart is full!  Go…I’m waiting…Because you could really find your own spouse something wonderful if you could win this contest or you could buy yourself something special and surprise them with it.  Go, now…I’m waiting…..

Sexual desire fluctuate because that just how life is.  And, the time of the relationship changes the different levels of desire.  When you first marry, after you have a child, when the kids leave home, when job pressures are bad, all of those times change the way we feel about sex and our attractiveness. 

Here’s a few tips to make your marriage sexy.  First and foremost remember that impotence is a common problem at every stage of marriage and can take months to clear.  Talking about the problem can help and wise couples recognize that it is a wake-up call but could be a signal of stress somewhere else in the relationship. 

Don’t save affection for the bedroom only.  My husband and I used to greet one another at the front door with hugs and kisses.  But, as the years wore on, we barely manage a kiss goodnight.  It’s important to make sure you don’t let go of the things that felt so good in the beginning.  Make time for love, make loving your mate a habit, you know, the more you do it, the more you like it.  Make sex a top priority even if it means scheduling sex. 

Talking to your mate every day, even if it is just for ten minutes in the morning and ten minutes at night can help the two of you stay close.  You can remember so much about your partner that you might otherwise forget.

As I mentioned above, my husband and I once greeted each other at the door with hugs and kisses.  Now, as I try to remember the last time we kissed, I’m reminded that kissing should be something you do often.  I’m not talking about the little peck that my husband just planted on my forehead, I’m talking about kissing as if you are making out in a dark theater.

If you are like me, your bed may have another body planted right between you and your spouse.  So, you have to be adventurous and find places other than behind a locked bedroom door for your sexual fun.  Break the rules that you’ve set for you and your spouse.  Get involved in an experiment with toys, videos and magazines.  And, finally and probably most importantly, learn to please your partner and make sure your partner knows what to do to please you as well.

There are many rules that couples find they need to put up to make their marriage work.  And, one huge set of rules regards how to disagree, how to argue, how to fight fair if you will.  Here are few tips on the rules of fighting fair.

1. Remind yourself that it is okay to be angry, and don’t feel guilty about having angry feelings.  Women more than men grow up believing  it is unladylike and bitchy to express negative feelings. 
2. Try to understand that although you disagree with your mate, you are not enemies.  No matter how much love each other, the differences may trigger conflict.  Fighting fair means you will not attack each other - physically or verbally.  There is no hope in name-calling, cursing, screaming or blaming, neither is threatening separation or divorce.
3. Never use information you gained in confidence as a weapon in an argument.  If you do this, you betray the trust your spouse has gained and make it harder for him to feel emotionally safe.
4. Never leave the room until you are either in agreement that the argument is over or have chosen to take this up at a later time.
5. Be sure to acknowledge each other’s feelings and perceptions without being judgmental or critical.
   

I haven’t written about this up to this point and possibly I waited just a little late to jump in on this one, but, let’s just say at least I tried, ok?

I haven’t mentioned this because it basically is happening on the other side of the world from me.  But, the fact is, it affects those of us everywhere.  How is that you say?  Well, you know that a precedent has to be set somewhere before others travel down the road.  So, pave the way baby, pave the way.

I joined some folks in a humorous way when it comes to allowing people to marry other people..other people of their own choosing…. see…

 
Now is the time to donate. Let your support be known.

There’s an entire post or two on Looky, Daddy devoted to this topic, go check ‘em out!

Look, you don’t wanna know why I’m wimping out, just take my word for it…I am.

But, first of all, here’s a few fleeting thoughts.  Do you guys know about the Halloween Witch?  If not, you can read about it many places, but I’ll tell you quickly here.  Basically, we come home on Halloween night and the kids open and eat candy for about an hour.  No eating while out trick or treating so…they eat for about an hour.

Then, I give them a quart size ziplock bag with their name on it and they pick out their favorite pieces and put them in the bag.  They are reminded that the more candy they leave for the Halloween Witch, the bigger the toy will be.  So, they bag their candy up and leave the rest spread on the floor for the Halloween Witch to take.

The Halloween Witch then takes the candy to work with him on Monday…hehehehe.  There you have it…Here’s what "mah stash", as Jace called it…

The witch got…

The kids keep…(well they think they are, I’m going to work on those bags before I go to bed..)

But, the greatest part of any holiday is your family.  Am I correct?  Can I get someone to agree with me here for once?

And, the Halloween Witch has left a huge Tonka Truck Toy of some sort in exchange for the candy.

So, my mom did indeed load them up with a bunch of candy.  But, they also got this lovely Easter Egg with a note it…yes, an Easter Egg, what else are Grammy’s for?

Another awesome highlight or two coming later………..

Every year my husband has worked late on Halloween.  One year, I did half the trick or treating with the kids by myself.  I hated it.  Either way, the time has normally changed before Halloween and folks would generally be out and about by 5 or 5:15 because it gets dark.  Well, since the time hasn’t changed, it was broad daylight still.

But, around 5:20 we loaded  up and headed to Nanny’s.  Because……………this year, the year that I was running around all day like a chicken with my head cut off going to party’s and school and the such, he gets off early. 

Normally we try to sneak a meal after trick or treating, this year, I brought home take-out.  I mean, honestly, this has been our best Halloween yet.

And, to leave you with a little blurb about how wonderful marriage and family…..my  mom put a lot of candy in the kids’s bags.s  But, she also put an Easter Egg in each one of their bags with the following note in it…

Yea, so trick that!

And, if you are wondering, there was plenty of candy in there to last us I’m sure for quite some time, but this year, I one house that we depend on to trick or treat or a orange soda of some kind was shut down. No one was home, lights were out. But, luckily, a different family member took up the policy and Capri Suns were doled out. Obviously with the weather like it is around here, Trick or Treating is a tough job with the heat, especially if you have on a big hot suit.

Yea, so trick that!