Marital Talk

On Sunday I had an opportunity to make some engagement photos.  Now, I’m not a professional but I do pretty good work.  Actually, my husband and I do better work when we work together because I can set the people, fix their clothes, turn their faces and such and he can snap photos.   Yesterday however, I did them all alone.

Here’s one or two of my favorite shots….then I’ll continue with the story..

They have agreed to help me document some of the on-going that occur when you are planning a wedding.  Right now she is suppose to be doing me a cute post of the &upthrust far in the world of wedding planning" and I’ll keep you posted.  You know, wedding planning is not easy, and she is getting married in December but she is really an organized girl so the planning hasn’t been that difficult.

However, she has done the planning while working, going to school full time (graduating a few weeks back), taking state boards, etc.  I think it might be neat for those of us who have lost our memory of how exciting and romantic that time of life can be.  So, enjoy the spreadsheet and remember, I’m not a professional and the photos haven’t been edited at all. 

Anyway, what’s your opinion?

I think I have a fairly secure system here.  Yes, we’ve had a few problems, don’t let anyone tell you that they don’t.  But, the fact of the matter is, prior to last Christmas or so, we really had never had any issues at all.  We simply snap together and work it.  I think what happened last winter was a huge wake-up call for both of us and now we can continue with making marriage work for us.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried it a total of 4 times now, and I know a bad one when I see it.  When I read blogs online when women are discussing their husbands being abusive verbally, it rips at my very gut.  When I read blogs where women discuss the emotional and physical abuse they they endure for the sake of their children….I wonder how hard could it be to see through the clutter and the plain ugliness of it all.

I’m fortunate that there were no children involved in any of my marriages until now.  I think I was very fortunate to find a man who was childless as well.  We were roughly 34 and 33 years of age and most folks have at least had one child by that age and very rarely to those who haven’t find a partner that’s childless.

I was a step-child and I know exactly how difficult it is.  I was a physically, emotionally and verbally abused step-child too.  I am not just playing with words here when I tell you, I KNOW HOW IT FEELS.  And, I know how it feels to wonder why exactly your parent tolerates such nonsense.

I mean, I know my mother loved me.  I  know she knew he was abusive to me because he was equally abusive to her.  So why would she let that continue.  It took a really big scene for her to discover what was happening right before her eyes.  And, even still, I wonder sometimes. 

Anyway, I didn’t start this to write about that, I started it to tell you what a wonderful man I have.  Yes, he has his faults and well, ok, if you make me say it, I have faults too, but over-all, I think we make a pretty good match. 

I just thought it was time for a good story instead of stressed one and then I had to go and throw in the step-children stuff.  Oh well, just remember, good marriages do exist.  Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

I wrote on my other blog Mental & Emotional Health about my desire to change anti-depressants due strictly to cost.  My co-pay for Cymbalta had jumped to $60 a month and I knew there had to be some alternatives that were cheaper.  Prozac is a long time friend of mine and I chose to try it again.  And, it is substantially cheaper at $15. 

Anyway, none of the switching would even be possible if my husband weren’t on board with the switch.  I mean, honestly, no one else is going to deal with you when you are cranky and rude and sleep 20 hours a day as you make the transition. 

My mom would hang around and support me for a little while, and most definitely she has helped by keeping Jace the last 2 days, but she would get agitated herself with me before the medication change happened.  My husband is the only person I know that is up for that challenge.

Part of his understanding comes from the fact that he just started an anti-depressant a couple of months ago and when he first started it, the change in him was obvious but his body just didn’t know exactly how to handle it all.  And, so he had that adjustment period to go through.  He understands where I’m coming from.

And, if you don’t have a husband like that…I suggest you find one, one that will be there for you in all situations….all the time.

One of the big problems in many marriages comes about when the children arrive.  That doesn’t mean the children aren’t loved or welcome, it just means that having a baby is hard, and it puts a lot of pressure on your marriage.  Once children are born, there is high  percent of romantic relationships that get pushed to the back.  And, the wend of the romantic relationship comes the end of a marriage most often than not.

As you know, a newborn sleeps alot but the constant feedings and changing of clothes and diapers along with all the other household duties is tiresome.  Sleep deprivation can and will kick in quickly.  But, even then, the newborn doesn’t require the parent’s attention 24 hour a day.  I know I know, the women are looking at me thinking "woman did you really have babies because you are crazy".  Yes, I had babies and yes I let my marriage slip in the romantic department.  But, things are looking up, their age helps a lot. 

The most important thing to remember is that the children are not the reason why the relationship between the husband and wife suffers.  It is the marital partner who controls his/her time and in turn controls how much time they spend working on their marriage. 

So, go ahead, give it a try, see what you think?  And, then, let me know, ok?

Normally my husband and I do almost everything together.  It has been a very rare occasion that we’ve gone separate ways when he is off work.  However, last night I was feeling overwhelmed with the 3 year old’s behavior as well the counselor pretty much let me know that he felt like part of the problem I was describing was I am over-bearing.

Over-bearing?  I won’t really argue with that.  But, as much as I am over-bearing, my husband is laid-back.  My style is sit back, tell the boys to stop doing something after they’ve become obnoxious and then really lower the boom.  I prefer to simply keep them on track as the events transpire. 

The counselor basically said that I had to back off and give him a chance to parent.  He said I had trained my husband to parent that way. 

Anyway, on Thursday night I sent him to Home Depot and home with the boys and I got my manicure and pedicure.  Alone, just me and my book.  Friday night he is at home depot actually buying the lumber he priced last night and I hit McDonald’s for the boys to play before getting them a haircut and heading home. 

Saturday the boys will either be cooped up inside the house with me while my husband dismantles the deck and rebuilds one (once it is down, we won’t be able to get out of the house without jumping six feet).  If my mom is better the kids will go spend a little time with her but mostly they will be in the house with me (and my parenting style), outside in the yard with my husband (and his parenting style and please don’t let them get hurt because of his negligence) or with my mom and her even more laid back style.

It is no wonder these children are confused about what is acceptable behavior.

I am one of the few people who can honestly say that an onslaught of stress doesn’t effect me at the time it is occurring.  Death’s in the family, accidents by family members, children going extreme on their behavior or simply time crunches just don’t bother me.  Right then.  I don’t mind running from one activity to another.  Although, as I’ve aged, I like it less and less because I’ve found I love a good afternoon nap.  Basically what happens is I do just fine in the moment, then in a few weeks, usually 10 days or so, I have a break down.  I hit bottom and have to work my way back out of the funk.

My husband is directly the opposite.  He likes running from one activity to another, as long as they are his kind of activities and the kids aren’t acting up.  But, for the most part, the kind of dodging of bullets that we do with our time, he gets irritated.  He prefers to just quit doing any of it and not bother with even trying.  Now, that, that I can’t handle even in the moment.  I need someone to carry 50% of load or none of it.  Just helping 75% doesn’t do me any good because I don’t know when the help is coming.

When we owned the daycare, we didn’t necessarily argue but we jabbed at one another the whole weekend.  We would go about daycare work and just border on being rude to one another.  Stress will make you say and do things you wouldn’t necessarily do otherwise.

Well, I told you all that to say, this past weekend was wonderful.  We just gelled as a couple.  Lazy Friday night with take-out, he laid around all morning Saturday, I slept 9:30 or so and then ran some errands.  He put the boys down for a nap and then napped himself.  When I arrived home, the boys were awake and he happily took back the child care duties and allowed me a nap.  Then, we hit the local fair, you can read more about that here.    Then, Sunday, I slept til 11, he got the boys dressed for church and then snoozed himself.  We had lunch together with no children and then home for another nap.  The boys returned home from a day with the Nanny and the rest of the night just smoothly sailed right into bedtime.  The two of us then sat on the sofa, surfed and watched TV.

Now, weekends like this, we have a little more difficulty in making decisions on what to do and when to do it, having too much time on your hands is just not something we are accustom to.  But, really, there was no rude remarks or jabs at one another for something silly. 

It was nice to have a stress free weekend with my husband, my kids and just breeze through, only doing what we wanted to do.  Yes, my grass is 3 feet tall but it was raining yesterday so, what can you do?  Yes, my laundry is piled a mile high but I can do that today while I work.  So, what does that leave?  It leaves everyone refreshed and ready for a new week. 

I sure hope this becomes a routine because I sure to like just being calm, doing simple things and letting life happen around us. 

And you?  What happened over your weekend?  Relax?  Work?  Your Spouse?  Children?

`Yes, I know there aren’t that many posts here about this matter, but…well, it is starting to be a really old issue.  Here’s a bit of information, just in case you forgot (as if anyone could forget this horror of horrors).

They go to bed fine.  They watch about 15 minutes of Blue’s Clues or Thomas the Train (I insist on these two because the others are too active, those two should bore anyone to sleep).  When it goes off, usually one of them is asleep.  It doesn’t matter though, it happens if one is asleep or their both awake.  After another fifteen minutes or so, they start asking if they can go to "momma’s bed".

Side Note:  I don’t know why they say it the way they do but it is "momma’s bed" and "momma’s bathroom" although Wayne and I both sleep and bath in the respective rooms. 

When we spoke to the counselor about this, he said, "tell them no and put them back in bed".  And, Wayne said that he would do that but I would give in after they got up a few times.  So, I agreed to let him handle it.  Well, here’s my analogy, correct me if I’m wrong….

Human Beings cry when they are unhappy, correct?  And, my children are crying, so that means they are unhappy, correct?

I am an only child.  I remember having insomnia as far back as age eight.  I couldn’t stand my mom’s new husband and I would lie in bed for hours sometimes.  And, I would cry.  I hated being alone.  And, I would cry.  So, what I said about my children crying, that means they are unhappy right?  By the way, the counselors words to me when I explained my thoughts on this matter were "don’t project that onto your children, that was you, not them."

 

Is there anyone out there who see’s this with their children or did when their children were young.  Remember, my kids are 3 and 5.  Just curious if anyone has any thoughts on the matter.

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I certainly do not wish to alienate anyone and this is not a male bashing post.  What I am interested in learning is how to prepare my two young boys as they grow and learn to cope with the outside world.  The fact of the matter is this, my husband depends on me for a great deal of the family responsibility.  No, he works, he his the bread winner but he has no clue how the money is spent.  A few months back I insisted that he take charge of the checkbook and the bills and see if he could manage any better than I could.

Thus far, he is slowly slipping out of the responsibility and I am taking over once again.  I know that part of that is related straight to our personality types.  I am a type A perfectionist, he is more laid back and is a horrible at time management.  He was in the army where he had to be responsible for himself so I know he can do it.  When he returned from the army, he had to get a job and find a place to live, etc and he did just fine. 

Later he married and he let his first wife handle all things that related to the responsibility factor while he merely sat around and let her work it out at her own discretion.  And, here now, 10 years later and he is doing the same thing. 

As it is right now I make his doctor’s appointments, I take care that his blood pressure medication and ADD medication are filled and refilled at the right time and as it stands, I’m back to handling the finances.  I make the decisions on the children’s health, dental, school and schedules even.

So, what I’m wondering is this, how do I foster a sense of independence and responsibility in my two sons as they grow so that I do not have a son who can’t even remember when to take his own medication?  I know that my father is the reason I have the attitude that I have but he isn’t around for me to ask and who knows, he might not have a clue what to do with my wee tots in this generation.  So, I come to you, any suggestions?

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When I started my post yesterday, I had intentions of showing you the following email.  Then, as usual, I got off track and managed to end up telling you about holidays and gifts.  So, today, I’m going to show you the email and then tell you a little more to help the email to make sense.  The email was written to a friend who knows more about me than you do so I suspect some of it may need further explaining. 

Anyway, here goes: (bits and pieces in red bold is what I’ve added to help explain the history)

My mom and I went to a bridal shower of a cousins.  At the shower they went around the room and asked each person to give the bride-to-be a piece of advice.  When it came to my turn (which was right before my mother’s - who has been married 5 times, 3 times to same man), I said, "Listen, between my mom and I we’ve been married 9 times, listen to me, do not ever start a habit with your husband-to-be that you don’t intend on doing forever.  For instance, if you don’t mind doing his laundry for the rest of  his life, then fine, do it.  But, if you have any inclination that you don’t want to be his maid, then only do it every now and again for the first year.  That way, you don’t end up doing it forever.  I can promise you that when I get home, I can ask Wayne what he thought my advice for you would be and he will say the same thing, ‘don’t start something you don’t intend to finish or do forever’" (yes, my mom married the same man 3 times and yes, this is my fourth marriage)

Everyone got a hearty laugh except my mom who insisted she had not been married 5 times. 
When I got home, I told Wayne the scenario, I said "what do you think I told her"  and he said, "don’t start anything yo don’t want to do forever".  I almost rolled laughing.  He and I are very very different.  We have nothing in common in so many ways.  He doesn’t even know how to throw a ball.  (I played college athletics and have a degree in physical education.) He throws with his right hand and steps with his right foot at the same time.  I cringe every time I see him do it.  And, he prefers race cars and junk to sports, but he is learning.  You should have heard him at Walker’s T-ball games, yelling like he knew what was going on, I laughed at him.  He really is clueless about it. 

He is an awesome man though and I didn’t know 2 people could live in the same house and get along as well as we do. (My first marriage there was no arguing, mostly  me bossing him and him doing as I said.  Trust me that’s no fun for anyone although it sounds pretty good.  My second marriage my opinion greeted me with a whack to the head.  Again, not much fun.  And finally, my third marriage was just a disaster from the words "I Do"). I mean, mom certainly never had the model marriage and well…who knows about my dad.  (My dad was married before he was married to my mom for a very short period of time and he never mentioned it to me.  There were no children from the marriage and it was just left un-discussed.  But, he didn’t marry again after my mom.)

But, we’ve been together 7 years last month and we have never had an argument that resulted in raised voices.  We discuss a lot, he listens a lot, and really the only problem we have is the way he treats the boys.  He was raised by his grandparents and still believes that the kids should be seen and not heard.  And, of course, I waited a long time for those 2 boys and I am a mother hen.  So, I am just as wrong about it as he is, but I’m not telling him that. 

He really is wonderful.  Although, he is a slob and my OCD doesn’t cope well with it most of the time, but it doesn’t result in arguments, just regular day to day stuff. 

Susie (not her real name, the woman who directed my first wedding that had also been my babysitter) told me this somewhere after marriage one but before marriage 4, "if it bothers you, do something about it, if not, let it be.  for instance, if his socks are in the living room and it bothers you, then pick them up, if it doesn’t bother him, don’t nag at him to do it, just do what matters most to you and let him do the same" 

It was like someone had hit me in the head.  I still complain some about him leaving the socks in the living room sometimes but mostly just because it seems like the thing to do.  The boys both seem to have my organized genes with the exception of Jace having just a tad of not caring about organization. 

Walker on the other hand, he has OCD bad and with numbers just like me.  Remember how I used to memorize people’s licenses plates?  Well, Walker watched the Olympics and he knew which lane was the USA swimming (Michael Phelps usually) and the next time he swam, he wanted to know why he wasn’t in same lane.   He knows his multiplication facts through 3.  However, if you ask him what 3 times 4 is, he will tell you 12.  If you ask him what 4 times 3 is, he says, "you know I don’t know my 4’s yet."  (That part was really just FYI, it has nothing to do with this post or email, I just talk too much sometimes or at least it seems that way.)

He (Walker, our five year old)  really is going to be way smarter than me and maybe even his dad.   Wayne has a tested and certified IQ of 170.  Yea, sickening.  He could make Carol (not her real name but a girl who never made a B.  She graduated high school with a 98 average overall in every class for the four years.  She graduated from Auburn with straight A’s.  Made it to medical school and still, nothing less than practically perfect) look like she needed to be in a learning disabled class. 

He (my husband Wayne) was the electrical engineer on a project in Florida when we lived there…..6 years ago.  They still call him to ask questions about the electrical stuff AND the sad part is, he can help them fix crap still, after 6 years.  He can tell them which box has what wires and what number wires and where they go to the next box.  Crazy stuff, but the man has no clue when garbage day is or when holidays are. 

Ask him when Memorial Day is and when Labor Day is, he doesn’t know.  Thanksgiving he can manage, Christmas he can manage, but other than that, no Presidents Day  memory, Easter, birthdays, anniversary’s, etc.  Oh and he does know Halloween.  But, man he is too smart for his own good.  Walker will be much like that.

But, anyway, why I got off on that instead of telling the story at the beginning instead of shutting  my trap I don’t know.  But, I’m sure that it somewhat explains why my 5 year old was getting in trouble EVERY DAY  for the first week of school and she finally moved him to a seat in the back of the room, alone, facing the wall and not his classmates. 

That kid is a walking narrator of the day.  I’m posting about that soon, I’ll let you know so you can read it, it is painful.

So, now, back to where I started, which is, the most wonderful husband in the world and I still disagree, but even he knew my philosophy about how our every day lives are conducted as well as how together we just simply get things done.  I do what matters to me, he does what matters to him  and that’s that.  That doesn’t mean that we never disagree, it just means that we are good together and negotiating is easy. 

Getting the tattoos for my birthday (one for him, one for me) was my idea.  When I approached him with the idea though, he told me that he had already thought of it.  I don’t buy into the whole soul mate thing, but I do buy into love and that’s what matters in the end.  Love and understand together make for a happy marriage.  One simply can’t exist without the other.

So, I wonder, if I could get at least one person to read and comment on some of my posts I would definitely try to stray in other directions.  So, feel free to email me and give me some topics that interest you, answer some of the questions on my previous emails.  Just let me hear from you so I have something to work from.  I am dying for some communication here.

I’m taking the lazy way out on this one.  I talk to an old friend earlier tonight through text messages while getting my birthday present.  What did I get?  I got a tattoo.  No, I am not kidding.  Yes, I most certainly did get a tattoo.  We rarely celebrate adult birthdays in our family.  The kids?  Oh yea, they get a great party with lots of presents.  But, I can’t remember the last time my husband and I bought and exchanged presents for our birthdays, anniversary’s or even mothers and fathers day.  So, since my birthday fell during the week or our vacation, I suggested we do something that we’ve both talked about at some point and time and call it this years birthday/anniversary/mother’s-father’s day gifts.  What was it that I wanted so terribly bad?  A tattoo.  Yea, I’m not kidding. 

Here’s mine, it is on my shoulder so that I can still wear some of my sleeveless outfits that I consider to be "dress up" without anyone actually seeing the tattoo (sometimes you know, you just need to be really somber and my tattoo is nothing near somber) but in just regular everyday sleeveless clothes, it will peek out and people should be able to see it.  And, if they don’t, I don’t care, I got it for me, not the world anyway. 

Here’s a picture of my little gem…..

My husband is gone now to get his.  He is getting an American Bald Eagle with red, white and blue stripes on it.  Since we are on vacation, we had to take turns going to the parlor because we didn’t want to take the kids along.  I’m not sure when he will return, his should take longer than mine since it costs substantially more and looked quite more detailed.  Money wasn’t really the issue, we picked out what we wanted and that was the end of that.

When I started writing this, I had planned to tell you something entirely different, but I’ll save that for another day. 

So, what do you think? 

Would you and your spouse do something like this? 

Does your family have a big celebration for the adults like they do for the kids?

Do you and your spouse make a big deal out of your anniversary and mother’s and father’s day?

Tell me what how you celebrate as a couple. 

This post is more about me and introducing me a little more than it is about anything actually material involving marriage.  Well, unless you count the fact that what I’m giving you is stuff from the years of previous marriages.  With that, I’ll start with a photo of myself as that shows you how I looked while married for the first time.  I was in the midst of getting my Bachelor’s in Education and it was an extremely emotional time for me.  My father’s main goal for me before he died was to ensure that I had the proper funds to finish college.  Otherwise, I doubt I would have ever even tried. 

But, as I graduated, I was in the throws of my first marriage and I give you…1991…

I don’t actually see any photos that were taken exactly during my second marriage but I see a few that were made with months of that marriage, watch me change…watch me grow..watch me become depressed…..

I’m not sure why I’m looking away from the camera nor why I have such big hair, but….moving right,

I take you to marriage number three, I had lost some weight but the end product was a deeply depressed person…

And, finally, I give you some photos of when it was my depression started to lift.  My weight was still an issue but if you can’t see the happy beaming through my eyes, then you just never really saw the sadness in my eyes in some of the photos above…..

I give you…..2002

And, with that, you should surely see that I am obviously more happy..but I am obviously gaining weight rapidly.  As it turned out, I was pregnant in this photo….

That was something made me so much more incredibly happy that it is hard to describe.  I’ve mentioned before that my mother made a statement when I was headed to the hospital to be induced with Walker that "she had never seen me happy until that day".  I was truly happy.  But that wasn’t much of a testament to me as a child now was it?

Either way, if you want to read the other birthday posts and see more photos of me and my emotions, just follow the links here.

My husband and I are polar opposites when it comes to music.  I prefer oldies, 70’s and 80’s stuff, he prefers hip hop and all the new folks out there.  I barely even know a few new folks names, never mind want to listen to their music.  I’m not sure I mentioned this before but my husband and I really don’t share a lot of "relaxing" ideas.  Music is just one place where we split. 

However, Kid Rock and Lynyrd Skynyrd’s All Summer Long is a take off of Skynryd’s Sweet Home Alabama.  Sweet Home Alabama was written as an answer to two songs, Southern Man by Neil Young (the lyrics "Well, I heard Mr. Young Sing about her" with her obviously being our state.  The other song was Alabama by Neil Young.  Both of these songs dealt with racism and slavery in the American South.  The song even references Alabama Governor George Wallace and the Watergate Scandal. 

Now, with all that said, I can’t imagine why my husband didn’t hear the songs and catch the lyrics above and

"in Birmingham we love the Governor (boo boo boo)

Now we all did what we could do

Now Watergate does not bother me

Does your conscience bother you? 

Tell the truth."

but apparently, since he is from Louisiana, he had never put much thought into it.  And, with that, I was able to teach my husband something.  That is something that doesn’t happen often.

He is a genius, a know-it-all even in areas where he doesn’t and I rarely get to play the upper card.    So, with that, I’m wondering about you guys, is there some obvious difference in you and your spouse?  Do you have the same taste in movies?  (Wayne and I don’t.)  Do you have the same taste in decor?  (Wayne and I don’t.) 

I know, most of you are sitting there wondering what in the world we have in common. Sometimes I wonder too, but mostly I just know that love binds us together.  Period.  Now, tell me about you.

I’ve given you all a little background about me, now surely some of you can tell me something about your and your spouse.  You don’t have to get nitty gritty and give me all the details, just the general information.  So, I’ve basically made my own little questionnaire.  Please take a few minutes and fill it out so I can get some ideas what you guys are interested in discussing.  Feel free to comment anonymously if you want, I certainly don’t mind and it really may let the conversation be more open if you choose to go the anon way. 

So, without further ado, I give you 5 quick questions:

1.  Where did you and your spouse meet?

2.  Have either of you been married before?

3.  If so, do you or your spouse have children from a previous marriage/relationship?

4.  When you first married/together, was sex the biggest past time you could find?

5.  If so, have you moved on to different past times or are you still regally adored and adoring to your spouse?

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I suppose that most of you have figured out that I basically write about what’s going in my life.  If you have a topic you would like to discuss, please leave a comment here or email me so I can do it.  For now, I’m just pulling from our own lives and making examples.

We are on our way on vacations.  I made the decision to keep our 5 year old out of kindergarten this coming up week.  His teacher sent his work home and we are going to work on it during our week off.  We are going to the beach.  And, we are strictly going for rest and relaxation.  Nothing more.

The city we’ve chosen to visit is one I’ve been too more times than I can count, even if I take my shoes off and we all there last year.  So, we know what we want to see and do..and basically it is very little. 

Wayne and our vacation well together.  He is a little more antsy to get up in the mornings and get going and I prefer to sit back and enjoy the morning watching the waves crash and surfing.  (And if Guidor, Gordo, Gustav or what ever his name is holds true to the weather man’s forecast, we won’t have to worry. 

And, if it is just rain we get off of the big guy, that’s fine too because like I said, we have similar expectations.  We’ve worked unbelievable hard in the last year and half.  Owning your own business is difficult on a marriage, especially when one of the partners is more dedicated and the other has to work his/her own full time job. 

So, basically, we feel like we deserve this vacation.  We’ve been on many short trips together but we really splurged on this one and will be staying for a week.  I absolutely couldn’t be happier.  And, like I said, we both want to sit and relax, hang by the pool and watch our children play in the kiddie pool, the kiddie bowling and we will eventually be rested enough to get in the big pool with them and play.

And, the boys have new sand shoes and sand toys so they will be ready to hit the beach and waste time there as well.  So, with that, I’m giving you the opportunity to tell me about you and your spouse. 

Do you travel well together?

Do you ever travel without one another?

Where is your favorite vacation spot?

What’s a typical vacation like for you and your spouse/family?

I’m waiting on someone to throw me a bone so I can talk about other stuff, so come on all, get to barking at me.

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As most of you have already figured out, I’m not a very short and sweet kind of writer.  I try, oh how I try so hard.  But, the fact is, I just get all excited.  But, this one, this one is going to be short I promise.

My topic is this:  How do you and our spouse/significant other/partner handle the every day duties of running a home when one of the adults involved is sick?  With that, I mean sick as in 1.  has a cold or the flu  2.  sick as in has a temporary illness but that is lasting several months (I’ll explain in detail) or 3. has a long term illness?

1.  Tell me what it is like in your house when you get sick.  Who picks up the extra work that you simply can’t do because you are sick?  Or does anyone bother to help out?  Secondly, what happens when your spouse/partner is sick?  Do you pick up his/her share of he work?  Or do you leave it for them as they maybe did the same to you at one point?

Ok, see, that was pretty short.  That’s my first question.

2.  What happens when one of the adults in the house has a temporary illness but one that lasts for longer than say the flu?  For instance, my husband broke his leg two years ago?  I worked myself into a frenzie around here trying to do my part and his part.  Is that the case at your house?  And, currently I have mono and my husband has been dealt a hand of doing more of the childcare than he already did which was quite a darn bit before.  As long as I rest good for a few days, I can have a few good days.  But, instead, what happens is, we get excited when I feel well and we spend 3 or 4 days on the go and then I have to spend 3 or 4 days in the bed.  What happens at your house under these circumstances?

A side note here, my husband has missed one sick day in 6 years other than when he had a broken leg.  And, even then, he would log into the computer system at work and do what he needed to do from home on many days.  However, since I’ve met him, I’ve had 2 c-sections, spent 12 weeks of one pregnancy on bed rest and 11 weeks of another pregnancy on bed rest, I’ve had 3 miscarriages, a hysterectomy, a major back surgery which involved about 2 months in bed and another 2 months of doing nothing and now with the mono bit which my doc predicts will last well into the month of October.  So, you can see who has been the one drawing the short stick at my house for quite some time.  I’m just curious what would happen at your house under these circumstances.  And, for you single parents, how do you handle these kinds of situations?

Ok, so that one wasn’t very short.  Sorry.

3.  One adult has a long term illness?  For instance, I am a diabetic, I have a thyroid disorder and now I have mono.  Hopefully by the end of October I will be back to normal.  But, cancer is rampant in our world.  How do the adults work out all the logistics when one of the adults has cancer, is paralyzed, etc?  Tell me how it works in your house, please.

Ok, see, that wasn’t so bad.  And, also, in all three questions I really would like to hear from the single parents. 

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