Marital Talk

Generally considered to be recession-proof, even the wedding industry is starting to feel the burn of the global economic crisis currently happening. Because weddings are generally considered a “once in a lifetime” experience, most people will go overboard on the spending. But recent reports are showing that people are spending less and less on this newly-labeled luxury.

I found an article from a Korean newspaper discussing this very phenomenon. In it, only the most luxurious wedding facilities still seem to be booked out. Most of the mid-range and more modest wedding venues are showing openings across the board, even on Saturday afternoons, a globally popular wedding time.

Interestingly, in Korea matchmaking industries are booming, as people look to marriage as a way to help stretch their finances. And 7 out of 10 women about to graduate from university have stated they’d consider a marriage over a job search in these times of economic crisis.

source

Not everyone dreams of the perfect, romantic wedding proposal. While most women think long and hard about the way they’d like to be asked to marry the man of their dreams, men are often left confused, and sometimes scared, that their idea of a wedding proposal won’t measure up.

I’m happy to report that when The Monkey asked me to marry him, he did so in a way that was unique, perfect to us, and private enough that it will always be a moment just the two of us share.

There’s been some credence given lately to geeky proposals, and Wired Magazine posted an article online of the top five geeky marriage proposals in honor of non-traditionalists everywhere.

From using Google Maps and the IPhone to hacking a video game and virtual diamonds, this article showcases the ways the geek-set can pop the question in a less traditional way. I love the idea of hacking her favorite video game, but even if your lady isn’t the gamer type, this article opens the door to a wider variety of proposals than hidden in the cake or at their favorite restaurant.

With just two months until the big day, The Monkey and I are starting to get things finalized. For me, that entails a ton of crafting – I’m making all the flowers, amongst other things – and for the Monkey, it means trying desperately to keep me calm.

Last week we had a meeting with the reception hall to finalize the food and bar for the big day, and the entire time The Monkey and I were bantering as though we were already married apparently. At one point Gino (the reception hall coordinator) laughed out loud and said something to the effect of, “if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you two had been married for years!”

And the truth of it is, we pretty much have. We’ve co-habitated for 2 ½ years, and the first year we dated we spent almost every second together. Which, looking back, was probably not the best way to begin a relationship, but to us it seemed natural. Within weeks I was doing his laundry and he was cooking for me. We were curled up on the couch watching endless movies together and spending as much time together as we could when we didn’t have to work.

It just seemed natural. Why would I not want to spend as much time as possible with the person who was quickly becoming my best friend?

So now here we are, two months from our wedding day, and neither of us is particularly worked up. Sure, we’re excited and can’t wait for the party to start, but as for feeling like man and wife? I think we’re already there.

Which brings me to my question. At what point did you start to feel like you were actually married? Was it long before the wedding day, like it was for me, or did it take some time to get used to? I’m interested in all sides of the spectrum!

Yea, that’s right, we skipped the pool today.  Never mind that even with an indoor heated pool, I just can’t get into it when it is cold outside…don’t know why.

But, today has been one of those really odd days because…..I never went to sleep Sunday night and then last night or rather around 2:30 this morning I took a sleeping pill so I could go to sleep.  I’m not sure why I’m having such extreme difficulties with insomnia but I am. 

I have a wonderful husband and only because I have a wonderful husband, I slept finally.  He took the boys to the game room (which trust me was like heaven for him as well as them) while I slept off some of the sleeping pill and managed to get some rest.  I arose around 2:30 this afternoon when they returned.

Yes, that’s what you call a good husband people.  The man is amazing, miraculous and I am very lucky to be married to him.  Our children don’t have a clue how lucky they are to have a father who is as intelligent, loving, and thoughtful as theirs is.

I am about to take my insomnia induced headache to bed because he is trying to sleep right here beside me and I think my pecking on the computer is keeping him awake…OOPS!

See, I’m not near as good of a wife as he is a husband…

This is a photo from the wedding we shot a few weeks back…I thought since I was admiring my own husband in this post, this photo would be appropriate as well…

I haven’t abandoned the ol’ blog here.  I’ve had my head underneath a pile of work of another kind.  You see, first of all my cousin, the baby of the family got married.  She asked me to do the photographs.  I wasn’t to excited about it but figured I could do a decent job.  And, we did. 

But, then…when we got to rehearsal (we wanted to see what was going on because we don’t do this all the time so we weren’t familiar with a lot of what was going on), she asked me to be the Director.  Yea, I can do that.  As a matter of fact, I like telling people what to do so, hey, sure, I’m game.

Then, the day after the rehearsal (which was a week before the wedding), she shows up at my house with some blank programs that she had purchased and the name of the wedding party participants.  She didn’t however have anything else written down nor did she know what she wanted the programs to say……so….sure I can do that.

That took me a full week.  Then, the wedding came and it took me the last two weeks to get the photos edited.  I have to be a brag butt and share my 3 favorite photos…..I’m fairly certain that I’ve already posted these but I really do like them so…hey, you are gonna have to look again…..

Ok, well, this is more than 3 but when I got started… I didn’t know where to stop….the first 3 are my favorite 3 but there are really more that I like a whole lot….if I have to say so myself…

not your traditional pictures by the way…..my favorites I mean…they aren’t your traditional wedding photos for the most part…they are either poses I dreamed up or saw on someone’s website….

this was staged by the way…they really weren’t that bored, lol

I love this photo…if I can figure out how to get that darn set of drums out of the background…argh

now some others that I really really like…

And, since I’ve shared so much of this, let me tell you, she walked down the aisle to "Butterfly Kisses" by Bob Carlisleinstead of the wedding march.  The groom pulled the red carpet out for her on the first verse, we opened the doors on the first chorus and then we edited out the "sweet 16" verse and she walked down the aisle to the following words….

She’ll change her name today.
She’ll make a promise and I’ll give her away.
Standing in the bride-room just staring at her.
She asked me what I’m thinking and I said "I’m not
sure-I just feel like I’m losing my baby girl."
She leaned over…gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there,
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair
"Walk my down the aisle, Daddy-it’s just about time."
"Does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy? Daddy, don’t cry!"

Oh, with all that I’ve done wrong I must have
done something right.
To deserve your love every morning and butterfly
kisses-I couldn’t ask God for more, man this is what love is.

I know I gotta let her go, but I’ll always remember
every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses.

If you’ve never heard the song before, get a listen here:

And, then, when they were introduced as Mr. and Mrs….they left the alter to the Beetles song, I’m a Believer…

I thought love was only true in fairy tales
Meant for someone else but not for me.
Oh, love was out to get me
That’s the way it seems
Disappointment haunted all my dreams.
Then I saw her face
Now I’m a believer.
Not a trace
Of doubt in my mind.
I’m in love
(uuuuuu)
I’m a believer, I couldn’t leave her
if I tried
I thought love was more or less a given thing
The more I gave the less I got,
What’s the use of trying
All you get is pain
When I wanted sunshine I got rain
Then I saw her face,
Now i’m a believer.
Not a trace
Of doubt in my mind.
I’m in love
(uuuuuu)
I’m a believer, I couldn’t leave her
if I tried
Oh, love was out to get me
That’s the way it seems
Disappointment haunted all my dreams.
Then I saw her face
Now I’m a believer.
Not a trace
Of doubt in my mind.
I’m in love
(uuuuuu)
I’m a believer, I couldn’t leave her
if I tried
I’m a believer

*UPDATED* I’m not sure how or why my cousin was offended because I meant no ill will toward her. She should know by now that I am crazy about her. However, when I stated below that she was “hassling” me about the photos, she felt like I was mis-representing her. She sent one text message about them. I was the one who was obviously excited for her to see them. I was so excited that I didn’t sleep all night after her wedding because I wanted to upload the photos and edit them. The faster I did that, the faster she would get her copies. And, our internet is regulated by a FAP (fair access policy) so I can only download that much during the hours of 1 AM to 6 AM…otherwise I lose my service for 24 hours. Anyway, I meant no harm and I apologize to her for thinking that I was trying to be rude.

Do you think they might look a wee bit tired?  It was one long day for me and really from the point of "will you do my photographs" through the will you direct, will you do these programs part…..I was exhausted.  And, well, I didn’t spend all week at the church decorating nor did I spend months and months planning.  So, I know they were tired.

They are home now and harassing me for photos so I"m working hard to get them for her…….

I’ve handled this little wedding and I had some wonderful posts from Robyn and I greatly appreciate her stepping in and helping me.  It wasn’t very easy for me to even keep things going at home and with all my contests and getting things done at home.  And, just as we were trying to get all things together and making it work, my oldest son got a stomach virus.  Luckily I didn’t have it yesterday.  Jace had it today and hopefully I can continue to avoid it.

My mom left today going to visit a terminally ill aunt in Florida and so obviously she won’t be here for Christmas and that will be tough.  I’ve only been away from my mom once or twice at Christmas that I can remember and those weren’t easy holidays for me.  This should prove interesting too.

So, now, I’m going to throw a few of my favorite wedding photos at you and then we will get moving again……….And, if you want to see most of the full set, you can see them on flickr.

Yea, gotta freshen your breath right?

The beauty of her dress and her ring…

And, she has taken all of dad’s money…

But, she did need a prayer..

And, the best man thinks those other guys might be messing with the wrong girl…

Time to admire her….

And, well, let’s admire him too..

But, the bridesmaids will NOT let him make an escape

And, the matron of honor has to get him again…

And, the ring bearer is offering up a ring for the bride too..

Mom is giving the Groom the lo down…

The 2 little ring bearers have had ENOUGH

Bride and groom ….

A little tug of war….

And some cake? 

Ok, how much more are they suppose to take of this ………?

I know those aren’t your traditional poses and yes, we got those, these are just some of my favorites.

Honestly, I could go on forever with my favorites but I think those are the best ones.  I am however going to share a couple of my favorite poses from their engagement photos that I made.  They are the two in my banner up there and I’ll get that changed soon…..

Will you marry me?  (I guess I gave these to you backwards uh?

But look how precious…

He does admire her though…

Aren’t they an adorable couple?

Will this ring do?

Ok, what about this one?

Yea, she’s happy …..

And he is glad she does….

It’s no secret among my friends that I’m a crafty individual. Most evenings I can be found sitting on the couch, either a crochet hook or knitting needles and some yarn in my hands. I make gifts for others, but most of my craft time is caught up in making items to donate to charity.

With an impending wedding, I thought long and hard of ways I could make our day a bit more crafty to reflect my personality in a unique way. The added bonus I’ve discovered? It’s saving us thousands of dollars to adopt a DIY approach!

So what have I done so far?

I’m crocheting all the flowers for the bouquets and centerpieces. We’re being married outside, so we don’t really need any ceremony flowers, which is a nice bonus. And I’m not so much a flower person, more interested in other aspects of the day. So when I started to figure out how much bouquets, corsages and boutonnieres were going to cost, I panicked. And then I started doing research.

I found a pattern for a crocheted rose, which I’ve altered slightly for my uses, and hit my local craft store. For under $100, I should be able to make enough flowers for my bouquet (all white), The Monkey’s boutonniere (also white), and all the bridal party flowers. I’ll also have all the flowers for the centerpieces for the tables done! It doesn’t hurt that I’ve got a Mother-In-Law who knows how to attach said blooms to stems!

We’re having a non-traditional guest "book". Instead of spending a ton of money on a book for guests to simply sign their names into, we’re doing things a bit different. I’m picking up a mail box and some spray paint (in one of our wedding colors) at the hardware store and making it festive. Then, a few pens and some pretty paper laid out on the front table, along with instructions to write us a little note, is all we’ll need to have some great notes to read for the next few days! People can also place cards in the mail box, and in the weeks after the wedding I’m going to put all the notes into a photo album (I’ll cut the paper to 4×6 size to make this easy). I also hope to put a picture of the guest that wrote the letter with it, but that may be a pipe dream!

I’m repurposing my mom’s hair piece. While her hair piece is larger than I’d normally wear in my hair, there’s a section of it that’s absolutely gorgeous. I’m going to take that section and wear it in my hair. Since I’m wearing my hair partially down, this piece will hold some of my hair off my face and add my "something old" to my day!

Speaking of my mom, she’s making me necklaces for all the bridesmaids (and for me)! An avid beader, we found some gorgeous baubles that will each be unique to the bridesmaid. The perfect thank-you gift, these bad boys will be something they can wear for years, and will speak to the personality of the wearer.

We had a friend design our invites. I found a great source for printing invitations (Vista Print!), and so we had a friend, who is in school for graphic design, work up our invitations. They’re now totally unique to us, and we’re getting them at a fraction of the cost of store-bought invites!

Hopefully, as we get closer to our wedding day, we can find more ways to be crafty, creative, and save some money! What are some ways your weddings were crafty and creative?

Robyn is guest posting at Martial Talk from her regular blog Craft and Found. (www.craftandfound.com)

********************

I’m only adding this because I am in the process of helping with my cousin’s wedding.  I was originally suppose to do the photography.  Then I became the director.  Then I became the program designer and printer.  Then, I became the burner of music on CD.  Then, I became decorator……here’s a picture I did, I just feel the need to share because these guys are adorable.

My fiancé and I are attempting to do something no other couple has done before (at least, that’s how it feels). We’re attempting to plan our wedding without going into Wedding Debt. Many couples will take any money generously given by parents, and then add to it using their credit cards and savings accounts in order to plan their special day. But early on, The Monkey and I agreed that we didn’t want to start our marriage with any more joint debt than our house. Because we both already have personal debt, we were positive that getting through our wedding day on just the money we were gifted by family would be a good test of our budgeting and our ability to remember what we felt was most important and not get all caught up in the details.

We’re now halfway through planning the Big Day, and I’m more grateful than ever we made this decision. It’s helped us to keep from agreeing to seemingly small things that could break our budget, and forced us to stay focused on the parts of the day that we consider most important.

Our budget is approximately 1/3 of what most wedding magazines will tell you is the average amount spent on a wedding in America today. Knowing that we were working at a seeming disadvantage, we immediately implemented these strategies and ideas to help us wade through.

1. We focused on what was most important. For us, this was having an intimate ceremony, and then being able to have a big party, full of drinking and dancing and even some karaoke thrown in – each of these things representing part of us and our relationship. This meant we’d want tons of pictures, our close friends around us, and a DIY feel to the day (I’m a rather crafty person) to represent both of our personalities best. Keeping these two pictures in our heads has helped when suggestions and ideas pop up, or we’re faced with a "this is something you HAVE to have" comment.
2. We’ve let the rest of the details get put on hold, or adjusted to fit what’s left of our budget. If it didn’t fit directly in with one of our two main goals for our wedding day, it’s been put on hold. That means things like table decorations, jewelry and accessories, and even guest favors are being either ignored completely or done in a much less expensive way. Items that tend to be big-budget, like flowers, will be done by me, in order to cut costs a ton.
3. I didn’t buy stacks of wedding magazines to look through. I was lucky to have a friend get married at the beginning of our engagement, and she gifted me with a few of her bridal magazines and books, but we’ve largely ignored what the industry says we should be doing. This keeps us away from thinking about what we "should" have, and focused on what we truly want our day to look like.
4. We worked through the major details in record time. By getting the hall picked out, the ceremony site reserved, and the photographer, deejay and attendants all nailed down within the first month of our engagement, we were left with all the major decisions handled and a ton of time to breathe. Attacking the wedding planning in this way forced us to make quick decisions, and has given us the gift of not having much planning to do during the holidays.
5. Finally, we’re keeping the Day-Of schedule as loose as we can. By watching most of my friends get married, I’ve learned that the more scheduled and set your wedding day is, the more money you’re going to spend to keep it that way. The only items we’ve got to be at by a certain time are our hair appointments and the reception itself. Because the wedding is so small and we’re being married in a park, the time is fluid. This makes pictures fluid, and most of the prep time fluid as well. While this is definitely less stressful, it also means we don’t have to spend a ton of money on day-of wedding planners, cars to take people to and from sites to ensure their prompt arrival, or delivery companies to get items like flowers or the cake to their designated spots.

The plan isn’t fool-proof, but thus far we’ve managed to use these five basic concepts to keep from having to dip into either our savings or our credit cards. What are some of your thoughts on sticking to a budget and keeping your wedding debt-free?

When not guest posting for Marital Talk (http://www.maritaltalk.com/three-months-to-go/) Robyn writes at her blog Craft and Found (http://www.craftandfound.com).

Most people will tell you horrific in-law stories. Either values don’t line up or personalities conflict in major ways, but it seems everyone has at least one in-law they can point to as a reason in itself not to get married. But I’ve gotten extremely lucky when it comes to my future in-laws. The Monkey’s parents are wonderful people and have already taken me in like another child in their family. We’re past that "must impress the new person" phase as well, so I’ve really started to get to know them for the people that they are, and while I’m sure there’ll be the typical family spats in our future, I’ve got high hopes that we’ll be one big happy family from day one.

I’d thought The Monkey would have a similar experience with my family. And, while for the most part he has, this past Thanksgiving’s trip to meet my ENTIRE extended family proved to be a test of his strength. Literally.

There is a long-running joke in my family concerning a male suitor of mine and chopping fire wood. It dates back to junior high, when I had a crush on a boy who helped my father split up some wood in our back yard, and has hung around as a humorous anecdote. My father has joked that before I get married, my fiancé will have to split firewood to prove he’s worthy. Enter our trip to visit the family, and my grandfather’s back yard full of trees they’d just had cut down.

The jokes immediately began flying through the phone and e-mail, and The Monkey geared up for what was sure to be a test of his strength and worthiness. In reality, everyone went outside early Friday morning and, with the help of a power log-splitter, chopped up the three trees that had already been cut down. We did get a few pictures of The Monkey ceremonially chopping a few logs, which he did wonderfully and in the full spirit of the day.

I’m just thankful I didn’t have to pass a similar test to be considered part of HIS family!

When not guest posting for Marital Talk (http://www.maritaltalk.com/three-months-to-go/) Robyn writes at her blog Craft and Found (http://www.craftandfound.com).

Planning a wedding is supposed to be both one of the most stressful times of your life and one of the most fun. Together with your fiance, you get to plan the one day when all of your nearest and dearest will surround you and proclaim your love with you. With just three months to go until my wedding, I’m excited to be here, blogging about some of the hits and misses I’m discovering on my own personal road to wedded bliss.
My name is Robyn, and I got engaged in early September. My fiance (whom I lovingly refer to as The Monkey) and I have been living together already for two years, and have dated a year more than that, so I’d figured by the time a ring was on my finger and we were talking forever, it would all fall into place quite easily. With that in mind, we planned on getting married at the end of March, giving us just six months to plan our wedding.

You read that right. Six months to plan a wedding.

Halfway through, all the major decisions have been made and now we’re down to all the smaller details. You know, the ones that will most likely drive me to binge drinking and crying jags in the fetal position. Good times!

Through all this, I’ve been thinking a lot about how our life together will change once we get married. And since Jerri has so kindly given me a wee bit of free reign here to discuss my preemptive thoughts on marriage, I’m hoping to explore some of that with the readers of Marital Talk.

So thanks for having me! I’m excited to talk marriage!

Robyn

On Sunday I had an opportunity to make some engagement photos.  Now, I’m not a professional but I do pretty good work.  Actually, my husband and I do better work when we work together because I can set the people, fix their clothes, turn their faces and such and he can snap photos.   Yesterday however, I did them all alone.

Here’s one or two of my favorite shots….then I’ll continue with the story..

They have agreed to help me document some of the on-going that occur when you are planning a wedding.  Right now she is suppose to be doing me a cute post of the &upthrust far in the world of wedding planning" and I’ll keep you posted.  You know, wedding planning is not easy, and she is getting married in December but she is really an organized girl so the planning hasn’t been that difficult.

However, she has done the planning while working, going to school full time (graduating a few weeks back), taking state boards, etc.  I think it might be neat for those of us who have lost our memory of how exciting and romantic that time of life can be.  So, enjoy the spreadsheet and remember, I’m not a professional and the photos haven’t been edited at all. 

Anyway, what’s your opinion?