Marital Talk

Most married couples can remember a time when date night meant any night of the week. Being intimate could happen anytime and anywhere. Exhaustion didn’t set in until after a frisky night, and a candlelit bath was a regular occurrence, not a luxury. Those were the days before kids. So how do you maintain not only intimacy but also solitary time with your spouse to discuss issues that don’t involve bugs, boogers, or boo-boos? How do you get away from the sound of little feet, the screaming at the top of their lungs, and their inability to understand what the term privacy means? Frankly, you don’t. However, you can manage to spend some quality time with your spouse even with the kids around. Use some of the ideas below to remind you that you’re not only a parent but also a wife or husband too.

One necessity for some bonding time is to create a kid-free couple zone in your house. This doesn’t have to be the bedroom or a small closet that locks from the inside. A comfy couch, oversized chair, or even a soft rug with lots of snuggly throw pillows can be a couple zone. After creating the zone, you will need to create the rule that when mom and dad are lounging in the couple zone they have a designated amount of time that they cannot be bothered. The kids must entertain themselves quietly or risk being sent to the alternate time-out zone. You can use the couple zone when watching a movie or favorite television show, or just sit and chill for a few minutes after dinner. Whichever way you choose, it is a place where you can reconnect with your spouse without interruptions. At least that is the theory.

Schedule a monthly date night. Scheduling the date night should mean that it will not be forgotten or pushed aside for a later date. Keep the appointment for your date just as you would a doctor’s appointment. Even if you don’t have someone to watch the kids, plan something date-like to do at home. For example, cook up a special dessert that involves chocolate and wine and enjoy a very grown-up dessert date after the kids are in bed. For those nights when you can go out, plan for a babysitter or family member to watch the kids and go out for a night on the town. Don’t fall into the trap of doing the same thing every date night. Some nights should be for really dressing up and enjoying each other’s company. Try to find an overnight place for the kids to go on that night. That way you don’t have to worry about ruining the moment by coming home and having to clean-up messes or tuck the kids into bed.

Take advantage of unplanned alone time. It happens about every other full moon, but it does happen. You might be sitting doing the bills together and notice that all of the kids are happily watching a new movie. Take fifteen or twenty minutes, sneak off to the bedroom, and take advantage of whatever has driven the kids to a quiet distraction. You will return to the task of bill paying with a smile on your face no doubt. These ideas are just a few ways to maintain a bond with your spouse when your kid-free days are over. With a little creativity, you can probably think up a few more ways to get some quality time with your spouse without needing a babysitter.

marriage, kids, couples