Growing Up
Last night we took the youngest three kids out for a walk, and I came to the realization that marriage has stages, just like kids growing up have stages that they go through.
The first year or two, kids think their parents are perfect- so do newlyweds. If they see any flaws, they can easily ignore them and just love and be cute.
When the third and forth year come, challenge becomes stronger. The discipline for children begins. In a marriage, this is when one spouse looks at the other, and instead of the perfect person they married, they see a person full of flaws that they think they can fix. Just like a young child trying to get mom and dad to do what they want, the husband and wife try to change each other into what they want.
If they make it through this, the next stage is realizing that you can’t change someone else, just like kids realize by the time they are about 6-12, that they have to follow rules, married couples realize that they can’t make the other person be who they want them to be. This is when a decision must be mad. They must decide to either try to change themselves, or live with wanting the other to change. If they decide to try and let themselves change, by looking at themselves honestly and a willingness to not tell the other how to change, they can get through this together. Neither one can change the other, but they each can change themselves.
The next stage is when they realize that they really can make it work. I would compare this to when kids realize that they are growing up. They want more responsibility, and are more likely to try to make their parents see that they are growing up. Teenage years canbe a challenge, but with guidance, trust, and honesty, they will make it. Marriage also needs to grow in guidance (preferably from God), trust (in each other), and honesty (with ourselves and each other). Talking to each other is the most important part of growing. Without communication, there is no relationship.
Next come the adult years. Even though the years leading up to it may have been hard, you made it. When you are an adult, love becomes more than just the butterfly feeling when your hands touch (though it is nice to have that), it becomes more than having your needs met, and meeting your spouse’s needs. Love turns into something that can only be explained by the word “one”.
When you are truly one with someone, you have a connection that goes so deep, that you feel incomplete without that person. Being one, makes being together the only right way tobe. Not being able to imagine life without your other half. Feeling like you are not all there when you are apart from each other.
Being one, what a wonderful way to be. One together, for life.
For more on walking together, read http://www.maritaltalk.com/walk-in-love/
For more on being one, read http://www.maritaltalk.com/one/
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