Marital Talk

When I started my post yesterday, I had intentions of showing you the following email.  Then, as usual, I got off track and managed to end up telling you about holidays and gifts.  So, today, I’m going to show you the email and then tell you a little more to help the email to make sense.  The email was written to a friend who knows more about me than you do so I suspect some of it may need further explaining. 

Anyway, here goes: (bits and pieces in red bold is what I’ve added to help explain the history)

My mom and I went to a bridal shower of a cousins.  At the shower they went around the room and asked each person to give the bride-to-be a piece of advice.  When it came to my turn (which was right before my mother’s - who has been married 5 times, 3 times to same man), I said, "Listen, between my mom and I we’ve been married 9 times, listen to me, do not ever start a habit with your husband-to-be that you don’t intend on doing forever.  For instance, if you don’t mind doing his laundry for the rest of  his life, then fine, do it.  But, if you have any inclination that you don’t want to be his maid, then only do it every now and again for the first year.  That way, you don’t end up doing it forever.  I can promise you that when I get home, I can ask Wayne what he thought my advice for you would be and he will say the same thing, ‘don’t start something you don’t intend to finish or do forever’" (yes, my mom married the same man 3 times and yes, this is my fourth marriage)

Everyone got a hearty laugh except my mom who insisted she had not been married 5 times. 
When I got home, I told Wayne the scenario, I said "what do you think I told her"  and he said, "don’t start anything yo don’t want to do forever".  I almost rolled laughing.  He and I are very very different.  We have nothing in common in so many ways.  He doesn’t even know how to throw a ball.  (I played college athletics and have a degree in physical education.) He throws with his right hand and steps with his right foot at the same time.  I cringe every time I see him do it.  And, he prefers race cars and junk to sports, but he is learning.  You should have heard him at Walker’s T-ball games, yelling like he knew what was going on, I laughed at him.  He really is clueless about it. 

He is an awesome man though and I didn’t know 2 people could live in the same house and get along as well as we do. (My first marriage there was no arguing, mostly  me bossing him and him doing as I said.  Trust me that’s no fun for anyone although it sounds pretty good.  My second marriage my opinion greeted me with a whack to the head.  Again, not much fun.  And finally, my third marriage was just a disaster from the words "I Do"). I mean, mom certainly never had the model marriage and well…who knows about my dad.  (My dad was married before he was married to my mom for a very short period of time and he never mentioned it to me.  There were no children from the marriage and it was just left un-discussed.  But, he didn’t marry again after my mom.)

But, we’ve been together 7 years last month and we have never had an argument that resulted in raised voices.  We discuss a lot, he listens a lot, and really the only problem we have is the way he treats the boys.  He was raised by his grandparents and still believes that the kids should be seen and not heard.  And, of course, I waited a long time for those 2 boys and I am a mother hen.  So, I am just as wrong about it as he is, but I’m not telling him that. 

He really is wonderful.  Although, he is a slob and my OCD doesn’t cope well with it most of the time, but it doesn’t result in arguments, just regular day to day stuff. 

Susie (not her real name, the woman who directed my first wedding that had also been my babysitter) told me this somewhere after marriage one but before marriage 4, "if it bothers you, do something about it, if not, let it be.  for instance, if his socks are in the living room and it bothers you, then pick them up, if it doesn’t bother him, don’t nag at him to do it, just do what matters most to you and let him do the same" 

It was like someone had hit me in the head.  I still complain some about him leaving the socks in the living room sometimes but mostly just because it seems like the thing to do.  The boys both seem to have my organized genes with the exception of Jace having just a tad of not caring about organization. 

Walker on the other hand, he has OCD bad and with numbers just like me.  Remember how I used to memorize people’s licenses plates?  Well, Walker watched the Olympics and he knew which lane was the USA swimming (Michael Phelps usually) and the next time he swam, he wanted to know why he wasn’t in same lane.   He knows his multiplication facts through 3.  However, if you ask him what 3 times 4 is, he will tell you 12.  If you ask him what 4 times 3 is, he says, "you know I don’t know my 4’s yet."  (That part was really just FYI, it has nothing to do with this post or email, I just talk too much sometimes or at least it seems that way.)

He (Walker, our five year old)  really is going to be way smarter than me and maybe even his dad.   Wayne has a tested and certified IQ of 170.  Yea, sickening.  He could make Carol (not her real name but a girl who never made a B.  She graduated high school with a 98 average overall in every class for the four years.  She graduated from Auburn with straight A’s.  Made it to medical school and still, nothing less than practically perfect) look like she needed to be in a learning disabled class. 

He (my husband Wayne) was the electrical engineer on a project in Florida when we lived there…..6 years ago.  They still call him to ask questions about the electrical stuff AND the sad part is, he can help them fix crap still, after 6 years.  He can tell them which box has what wires and what number wires and where they go to the next box.  Crazy stuff, but the man has no clue when garbage day is or when holidays are. 

Ask him when Memorial Day is and when Labor Day is, he doesn’t know.  Thanksgiving he can manage, Christmas he can manage, but other than that, no Presidents Day  memory, Easter, birthdays, anniversary’s, etc.  Oh and he does know Halloween.  But, man he is too smart for his own good.  Walker will be much like that.

But, anyway, why I got off on that instead of telling the story at the beginning instead of shutting  my trap I don’t know.  But, I’m sure that it somewhat explains why my 5 year old was getting in trouble EVERY DAY  for the first week of school and she finally moved him to a seat in the back of the room, alone, facing the wall and not his classmates. 

That kid is a walking narrator of the day.  I’m posting about that soon, I’ll let you know so you can read it, it is painful.

So, now, back to where I started, which is, the most wonderful husband in the world and I still disagree, but even he knew my philosophy about how our every day lives are conducted as well as how together we just simply get things done.  I do what matters to me, he does what matters to him  and that’s that.  That doesn’t mean that we never disagree, it just means that we are good together and negotiating is easy. 

Getting the tattoos for my birthday (one for him, one for me) was my idea.  When I approached him with the idea though, he told me that he had already thought of it.  I don’t buy into the whole soul mate thing, but I do buy into love and that’s what matters in the end.  Love and understand together make for a happy marriage.  One simply can’t exist without the other.

So, I wonder, if I could get at least one person to read and comment on some of my posts I would definitely try to stray in other directions.  So, feel free to email me and give me some topics that interest you, answer some of the questions on my previous emails.  Just let me hear from you so I have something to work from.  I am dying for some communication here.