Marital Talk

No, really I don’t plan to talk about sex very much here.  I mean, some things really are still sacred.  But, I am going to share with you something I found.  What is it?  It is…the 10 Terrible Sex Tips as quoted by Cosmo magazine.

According to the article written about Cosmo, most of us who have ever had sex before already  know that the tips you find in these magazines is a bit far fetched and well…if terrible is the word you choose to describe them, then so be it.  But, let’s see what Crystal over at College OTR has to say she thinks the 10 Terrible Tips are.

Ok, first of all, she says the one where they suggest you cup his hand against your mouth and flick your tongue quickly in and out of the center of his hand is kind of dumb.  And, I kind of have to agree with her.  She calls it Hand Sex and well…yea, is that what that is?

Have your partner lay on their stomach and wet the skin below their butt with your tongue.  Then, blow on it…uh?  Yea, I’m still not following with Cosmo here.  I’m still on Crystals side so far.  Ok, another one here that sounds a bit ridiculous but maybe some guy out there would like to try it is giving your man a blow job while he hangs from a pull-up bar. 

I’m not so sure that one isn’t in there just because the chances of getting caught increase if you try this one is most places and we all know that having sex "outside" of your comfort zone is more exotic than anything.  Or well, I thought we all knew that. 

Number seven on her list basically exams the how-to’s of oral sex and well, it cause the male anatomy a hot dog and I have to agree with Crystal, hot dogs….nah, just not sexy no matter how you think about it.

There’s the tongue choke hold as she calls it and then there’s number six that just sounds like some pretty kinky foreplay..oh well, whatever floats your boat.  Number five revolves around a guy having to force his tongue into his girlfriends mouth and he found that sexy…hummmm, maybe he just had bad breath?

Number 3 involves hot water and again, I don’t like anything in my mouth that’s hot, not even hot chocolate and I love me some hot chocolate, but whatever……Number 2 says to chill some marbles in the fridge.  Ok, wait, Marbles?  Yea, marbles.  So, what they say is chill the marbles and then make your man lay on them.  Sounds like someone was just dreaming up stupid stuff by now.

And, finally, the number one terrible tip, put a glazed donut around his manhood and nibble it off. Look, I love me some donuts but I want to enjoy my donuts, not let someone else enjoy them for me.