Marital Talk

Last night, I was once again reminded of how good I really do have it.
Dan and I know many people who are not happy in their marriages, and some who are in the process of getting divorced.
Divorce is never easy, and it always leaves scars. But I also believe that sometimes it is the best, or only, real choice.
I am not blind to the fact that I am sometimes an idealist.
I know that my ideals can be just that, the ideal- not reality.
I also know that as a woman who is happily married, I have a husband who has worked hard with me to keep our marriage happy, and to make it even happier.
One of the best peices of advcie we ever heard given to married couples, and have applied to our own life, is this:
Don’t ever think of yourself as immune.
Every relationship has the potential to grow old, have adulterous affairs, become boring, and end.
We took that to heart, and made a plan of action to prevent such things from happening to us.
We made some “rules” for ourselves, and we have stuck by them.
We decided that if one of us could sense that we weren’t spending enough time alone, they had to speak up so we could fix it.
One thing we have done is make sure we have date nights. We go out at least a couple of times a month.
When our kids were small we had to hire baby-sitters, and could only afford to go for a walk together, or out for the endless cup of coffee.
Now we have children who can babysit the younger ones, and we can go out for longer and afford to actually have dinner out (sometimes with a coupon for half off a meal…but hey…who cares?).
We also made it a point that neither one of us is to be alone with anyone of the opposite sex, unless they are a relative. This can be tricky to stick with, especially since Dan is a Pastor. But we do it, and it is good for us to be accountable to eachother.
Having safegaurds in place can also be misunderstood by others.
One friend accused me of being insecure in my marriage because of these things.
I told her that these things are for the security of my marriage, not the insecurity.
People will judge us for being true to eachother, just as people judge everything that goes against what they think should be.
Dan and I are proof that when a couple works together to keep a relationship strong, it works.
The key words: Work together.