The Biggest Mistake People Make When They Remarry?
The reality is our insecurities are what eventually leads to divorce. We are taught an imbalanced mental perspective growing up and project that perspective onto our spouses. For example, if you are a woman and you didn’t have a balanced, affectionate relationship with your father then you get angry when your spouse doesn’t show you the affection that you expect, from your subjective perspective. Eventually you rationalize this issue in your marriage and jump over that wall of vulnerability where you decide you need a divorce.
The problem, though, is you have yet to overcome your insecurities so they are still present in your unconscious. And you bring those insecurities into your next marriage where you project them onto this spouse as well.
But one of the most important elements of life for each of us is as we get older we mature. Hopefully you are older in your second marriage and realize that the same thing is happening in this marriage that happened in the first, so this time you take a proper inventory of yourself to maybe look differently at the situation this time. After all, you already went through divorce once, one of the most gut-wrenching experiences any of us goes through as an adult.
The reality is it takes courage for you to face your demons and slay them and this is truly only possible when you have the motivation to look within yourself. Obviously the insecurities that lead to the first divorce where not overcome but with the choice of divorce or maturity, maybe the understanding of that pain will motivate you to approach the situation differently the second time around.
guest post from Tim Kellis
April 25th, 2010 at 12:48 pm
This post is right on target. If we don’t fix the issues within ourselves that caused marital problems the first time around, what in the world makes us think that they’re not going to cause problems the second (or third…) time around? Very well written and timely for a lot of people!
Darlyn
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