Marital Talk

Have I mentioned to you all that my husband and I don’t really argue.  I mean, we rarely disagree, we rarely even have minor problems.  I know that sounds crazy and I attribute all of that to my husband’s personality.  Definitely I am a little difficult to get along with, but my husband has the patience of job when it comes to people.  He does have a breaking point but he is much stronger than I am when it comes to tolerance.

So, if you are trying to work through disagreements or problems with your spouse, here’s a few tips from Ladies Home Journal.  First of all, understand the silences from your man.  Women tend to find silence uncomfortable while men find comfort in it.  And, then, women will read into a partner’s silence our own desires, fears and past experiences. 

It’s important to ask for what you need.  Men and women have different ideas of what it means to communicate.  Men tend to be problem-solvers and they do this silently.  They tend to go from saying here is the issue to here’s what we should do about it.  Women tend to bounce suggestions and possibilities around before coming to a solution. 

Phrase your questions so that you can get responses, not simple yes or no phrases.  And one of the more important issues is to learn to argue constructively.  Many men won’t say anything because past experience has taught them that past experiences have been criticized or blamed for past crimes.

Your partner may have learned to simply disengage all together as soon as you start talking.  make it a point to give him the floor, let him talk, let him tell you what is going on in his own mind.

One more important tip is to learn to appreciate the silences.  Most men are rarely considered the best friend of the wife so listen to the silence.  When a man takes his wife into his harms for along hug, shares in a joyful whoop with you or reaches for your hand in the car, he may be saying a great deal.

And, even though you have a preferred time for talking, you have to understand when the time is right for your husband as well.  And, if you try to talk to him at a time when he feels as if he is a captive audience, he will sometimes feel threatened.  Make sure when you do the talking, you do it when both partners are willing.