Time Bomb
How do you react when your spouse hurts your feelings?
I sometimes react with anger, but I know I am really hurt. I am learning how to communicate my true feelings though (after 27 years of marriage…lol), and I have to make myself be honest and talk about it, or I become a time-bomb; ready to go off when the next hurt or angry feeling hits.
I have also learned not to let the anger talk- after all, I am hurt and that is why I feel angry.
A recent example is that I was hurt, felt angry, and let myself cool down before I addressed the situation. When Dan and I had a few minutes alone, I was able to tell him how I felt, and why- without yelling, or breaking into tears. That is a big thing for me, not sounding angry when I am hurt.
We resolved the issue, and I was not longer hurt or angry after we had talked it out, but if we hadn’t talked it out- calmly, I would have been seething inside. The fuse to the bomb waiting to go off was lit, and the ability to talk calmly and rationally put it out. I also happen to have a husband who is a great communicator, listener, and all around nice guy. I guess I am blessed that way.
Early in our marriage things would have gone much differently. I would have stuffed my feelings, silently being hurt and getting angrier because of it. I would not have made myself vulnerable by telling him how I really felt, after all…I’m not a baby, right?
Right, but I am a woman who needs to be honest with her husband, and deal with having honest communication. That is what saved our marriage….learning to talk to each other, and deciding that we would each work on what we needed to change within ourselves. For me, part of that was talking. I am still working on it, but I have gotten a lot better at it.
Now, rather than a bomb inside me, I feel like I am blessed beyond measure, and I am thankful. Growing old together is better when you can talk.
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