Marital Talk

Because we’ve lived together already for two years, I assumed that when The Monkey and I got engaged we’d be able to make a rather seamless transition to fully sharing our finances. Most of our bills were already paid together, with only our personal debt and spending separated.

Apparently I completely underestimated the difficulty merging finances would cause, and I’ve learned a few things along the way. For those of you out there who are already married, feel free to add your tips and tricks into the comments.

First and foremost, I learned to assume nothing. While we both have been open about our debts, I learned that I didn’t have a definitive figure in mind when I sat down to approach a shared finances discussion. To me, knowing fully how much debt the other has was the first step towards creating a shared budget and figuring out how our money would be handled differently once we were married.

I learned very quickly that The Monkey wasn’t as comfortable having these conversations until we were actually married, a stance I found strange. But we decided to begin the conversations on budgeting and finances before the marriage license has been signed, agreeing to leave definitive numbers out and talking more in terms of general ideas and divisions.

This is where I ran into the second road block. I assumed we’d share all bills, and only have separate accounts for spending money. To me, this made sense as we’d be able to pool our finances easier, divide and conquer our debt easier, and really get things paid off faster. The Monkey, on the other hand, had assumed we’d keep things basically as they are.

With these two road blocks discovered, we’ve sort of stymied when it comes to money. We’ve agreed to combine more of our debt, although there are a few things that are still sticking points, and we’re stuck on how much spending money we should each get.

Because I have a decent idea of how much debt we’ll be combining together once we’re married, I’m pretty comfortable with leaving the conversation where it’s at for now, although I know many couples who didn’t walk down the aisle until they had all this stuff nailed down.

So what do you think? What are some good ways to approach money in marriage, knowing that finances are usually the biggest and most frequent fights in a marriage? Are there compromises I’m missing or thoughts I should hold fast to?

Robyn is guest posting at Marital Talk from her regular blog Craft and Found (www.craftandfound.com)